That’s the only way I can think of to describe it. Something is definitely wrong, that’s for sure. It’s not so much my body clock is off, like I have jet lag or something similar to that but more my mental clock is just totally out of whack. It’s like I’ve lost my mind.

It’s as if two minutes takes half an hour. If you’ve ever had a battery operated clock, perhaps you can relate to what I’m talkin’ about. As the batteries begin to run out of juice, you’ll notice how every few days you seem to have to reset the time as you lose a few minutes each day.

Then finally, you’ll notice the second hand, although doing it’s damndest to get up the hill just can’t seem to make it past the nine before it falls back down below the eight. Struggling again, it attempts to get over the hump but no go. Sure enough, new battery time.

I only wish it was that easy for me. I know my clock is off but it’s not as cut and dry as a battery replacement. I miss a very special someone and it’s totally thrown my clock all outta whack. That’s why I say I must be on football time because it’s as if two minutes takes a friggin’ half an hour to tick by.

Tick……tick……tick……kinda like Chinese Water Torture, bein’ strapped down to a bed of nails while one drip at a time, freezin’ cold water is drippin’ down on my head and I can’t seem to move. Nowhere to hide, even if I could move.

I’m sure you know what I mean. A football game is supposedly an hour worth of play time but between all of the BS, the commercials, replays and officializing the damn game takes three hours or more before it’s over. And since I’m not a huge football fan, sometimes the three hours can feel like six.

This might be ok if you are a Fan or if you like to spend your afternoon gettin’ hammered and yellin’ at the TV but again, just not there for me. That’s probably one reason why I’m not real big on this new schedule I find myself living with. When two minutes takes a half an hour, you can only imagine how long an entire twenty four hour day takes.

Not to mention the fact that my mind is so preoccupied with the object of my desire that what there was of my so called sleep pattern has pretty much been tossed right out the window. When I actually do get to sleep, I find that I can barely squeeze in a few hours and the BAM, wide awake!

Layin’ there, tossin’ and turnin’, concentrating my hardest on falling back asleep but the more I try not to think about her the more I find myself thinkin’ about her. It’s like when someone says to you, whatever you do, DON’T think about such and such and sure enough, no matter how hard you try, you can’t think about anything but exactly what they told you not to think about.

I believe it’s referred to as The Law of Reverse Psychiatry or something close to that anyway. I know it must have some kinda technical term since it’s such a common phenomenon and on of the most studied aspects of the human condition within the online PHD set.

It’s almost like the opposite of A.D.H.D., whereas with A.D.H.D. it’s difficult to stay focused on any one thing for any amount of time. With my ailment, I find it extremely difficult to focus on anything BUT one thing. And one thing only.

I don’t seem to be able to repair my clock, no matter how much I try. And what’s even crazier, I’m not sure I even want to. Well, I wouldn’t mind gettin’ a bit more sleep but as far as totally clearin’ my head altogether, it’s just not possible. No way.

I have WAY TOO MANY hopes and dreams to ever forget about her, even if I did want to. Nope, the impact that she’s had on me is even more than I can begin to describe, let alone figure out how to put a stop to it.

Kinda like Niagara Falls, my feelings just continue to flow, gushing forth with an enormous force. A force so strong that I have a hard time believin’ anything could stop this uncontrollable current of overwhelmingness.

If I had ever been in this position before, perhaps I might have some type of remedy for what ails me but I can honestly say that I’ve never been in this or anything even close to this situation prior to this so I have no idea how to proceed.

I guess all I can do is continue to ride it out, in hopes that at some point in the near future, things will get back on track and my clock will return to keeping normal time. I know there’s only one way for that to happen and to be honest, I think about that very thing happening 24/7. I just can’t help it, she’s always on my mind.

Until I hear a Ref yell “Time Out”, I guess I’ll continue to be on Football Time!

If you can relate to having something so powerful on your mind that you’re not able to turn it off, I’d enjoy hearing about it and if you liked this Post, I’d appreciate it if you’d share it with your friends. Thank you.

Firstly, let me just start off by saying that I fully understand that this is a dangerous topic and while some might wonder why the heck I’m even goin’ there, those that know me and are familiar with my writing know all to well that I’m pretty much fearless when it comes to tackling subjects that others simply refuse to delve into. In essence, I’m the go there guy. Despite my own better judgement.

As I mentioned earlier, I’d have to think that this has been going on since women were able to make a choice on their own as far as who they wanted to be with. Good or Bad, Good or Bad, oh Mom, which guy should I choose???

This might not have applied in the Caveman days as it seems to me that when a first date consists of a guy draggin’ a woman by her hair, into his cave and havin’ his way with her, that would basically put ALL guys in the Bad Boy category.

And perhaps this was also the case in the days of the Roman Empire. Not sure women had much choice back then either. I wouldn’t think that Good Guys had much luck as being nice probably got you thrown in with the lions or at the very least, you ended up breakin’ rocks until your arms and legs were yanked from your body as you were being pulled apart by two separate Chariots, headin’ in two different directions. Not good to be a Good Guy in those days, that’s for sure.

The women, if they did happen to take a chance on speaking up in regards to who it was they wanted to date, would more than likely have had their heads chopped off before they could even get the words out. Probably a good idea just to keep ones mouth shut, or forever hold your head…. ooops, your peace.

Even in the days of the Kings ‘n Queens in jolly ol’ England, not really a good idea to speak your mind, let alone having a bumper sticker on ones Magic Pumpkin saying something along the lines of “Good Guys Rule!” because at the very least, you’d be scrubbin’ floors and cleanin’ chamber pots as your evil step sisters were out carousing with all the Bad Boys in town.

A womans only hope was to be born into a wealthy family but even then, they still didn’t have much of a choice as these were the days of the arranged marriages and as such, they would end up with Lord Goofball III by default. So these weren’t so much choices as stuck withs. Ahhh, the good ol’ days.

Jeez, up until now I hadn’t really put all this together but maybe women have been ingrained to want Bad Boys, whether that’s what they really want or not. Maybe they just can’t help themselves?

Is it a matter of going against what they’re told to want, as in their elders telling them to watch out for the Bad Boys as they will treat them badly, abuse them and then leave them? And so they have no other choice but to go against the grain in an attempt to find out for themselves if what they were told is actually true? Hmmmmm…… I wonder.

Or is it them thinkin’ that this time is gonna be different? Somehow this guy will love them so much that the guy will do whatever it takes to make her happy and if changing his evil ways is what it’s gonna take to get her to stay, then so be it. Like somehow they’re gonna fix him.

Good luck with that one. As we all know, people in general, especially guys (of which I’m one) rarely if ever change. Especially not for someone else, let alone for themselves. Sure, we all grow in one way or another and we attempt to better ourselves but not many will change for someone else. At least not their entire moral outlook, their entire character. I’d have to think that we’re pretty much us from the time we become adults.

So why is it then that you see so many women with Bad Boys? Do they think it’s cool? Do they like the feeling of doing something wrong and gettin’ away with it? To be honest, I have no idea. No idea whatsoever. It seems like they always complain about gettin’ treated like crap. And then they go back to them. Go figure.

I’d like to think I’m from the other side of the tracks. I’d have to consider myself to be one of those idiots… .ooops, I mean one of the Good Guys. You know the type, the guys that finish last! Yep, that’s us.

Oh sure, women say that they want nice guys but I’ve yet to see anything to prove this theory to be true. Could it be the lack of drama? The missing daily controversy? The fact that all nice guys wanna do is treat their partners right, to get along?

Hell, where’s the excitement in that? Sounds kinda boring, doesn’t it? I mean, without all the drama, the constant fighting and bickering, what’s left in a relationship?

All you end up with is love. Pure, unrelenting, selfless, love and devotion and who the hell wants to live a life as drama free as that? Well, for starters, I do. Yep, to me, drama and controversy suck. There’s enough stress in life without having to add to it in a relationship. I don’t do drama. No thanks, not my cup of green tea.

I’d much rather spend my time being happy, laughing and enjoying life. After all, isn’t that what life is really all about? I sure think so anyway.

So I guess we’ll just have to leave this as an open ended question, an unsolved mystery. Good or Bad, I have no idea what women really want. Which is probably a good thing because there’s a pretty good chance I’m not gonna reinvent myself as someone else. At least not anytime soon.

If you have any thoughts in regards to the battle between good and bad, I’d enjoy hearing them and if you liked this Post, I’d appreciate it if you’d share it with your friends. Thank you.

Wikipedia defines Communication as; a process whereby information is enclosed in a package and is channeled and imparted by a sender to a receiver via some medium. The receiver then decodes the message and gives the sender a feedback. All forms of communication require a sender, a message, and an intended recipient, however the receiver need not be present or aware of the sender’s intent to communicate at the time of communication in order for the act of communication to occur.

Communication requires that all parties have an area of communicative commonality. There are auditory means, such as speech, song, and tone of voice, and there are nonverbal means, such as body language, sign language, paralanguage, touch, eye contact, through media, i.e., pictures, graphics and sound, and writing.

I guess what they’re tryin’ to say is that no matter what, it takes a minimum of two people, regardless of whether they are present or not, to make the communication work. That sounds simple enough. But that’s where you’d be wrong.

I think it’s the part where the other person need not be present that messes things up. Back in the ol’ days, the person that you were attempting to communicate with pretty much had to be right there next to you in order to hear and to even hope to understand what it was you were trying to say.

Still no guarantees as languages and speech were not perfect sciences at that point. Back then, hand gestures played a huge part in communicating your message to another person. That and a good swift yank of the hair.

As time went on, things got a bit better as more languages evolved and it was generally frowned upon to pull a females hair. That’s not to say that fights no longer broke out over something that was mistakenly said but for the most part, Tribes pretty much had a basic language they worked with and it was up to you to learn it. If not, it could definitely cost you dearly.

Again, for the most part, you pretty much had to be within hearing distance of whomever you were trying to communicate with. I’d have to think that if yelling hadn’t been invented yet, this just might have been when it first became popular.

Writing has basically been around since the Caveman days, hammering one rock with another rock to create stories of sorts in an effort to communicate but here again, I have to wonder just how much got lost in the translation. Hmmm, is that an elephant or a deer? Perhaps a dog? Maybe a horse?

I think you get my point. Communication still left a lot to be desired. But as alphabets began to flourish, languages became much more polished. That’s not to say they were by any means perfected but more often that not, guidelines were set in place allowing a bit more structure and a little less room for self interpretation.

As people began to migrate all over the world, they tended to take their language with them. Which was fine, as long as you just stayed with your own group but once you tried to communicate with another tribe, you were just plain screwed. Major language barrier. Which also meant quite a few arguments ensued.

Finally, at least in the U.S., one single language began to take hold and it was either you learned how to speak, read and write it or you were quickly left behind. Yes, you could get by with just speaking the language alone but if you couldn’t read and write, your future was extremely limited.

Luckily the telegraph was invented as that would allow you to communicate with others that were a very large distance away. Same with letters being delivered by the Steam Driven Locomotives and the Pony Express, two other great ways to reach out and touch someone.

We as humans have always had an inherent need, a desire to stay connected and being able to sit down by candlelight, dipping your feather in an ink well, chronicalling all of your thoughts and sending them off to the wide open spaces, knowing there was a pretty good chance that they would actually arrive at there intended destination had to be a huge breakthrough.

But none of these can even come close to the invention of the telephone. Oh no, THAT was the breakthrough of that Century. For the first time, you were able to communicate with someone in real time, from thousands of miles away. No more wondering if they could hear you or understand you, instant feedback.

Speaking of feedback, it kinda makes you wonder who the first person was to ever get the phone slammed down on him. I say him because I have a feeling that it was a woman hangin’ up on a guy because of something he said….or didn’t say. I’m just guessin’ here….

Fast forward quite a few years and while the phone has gotten smaller and quite a bit more mobile, you’d still have to think it’s the preferred form of communication. Besides being there in person, of course.

Unfortunately thanks(?) to all of the new technology available, we now have various other ways to stay in contact. Whether it be through Email, Text Messaging, Instant Messaging, all of those have opened up so many more avenues for communication in todays modern world. Or have they?

It seems as if instead of opening up all of these new avenues of communication, all they’ve done is replace actual communication with cybersmoke blowing. While the phone couldn’t replace actually being there in person, it was the next best thing.

I say was because it seems to have been replaced by these other means of so called communication. A few clicks here, push another button there and whoooosh, off goes your message. Off to who knows where. Will it reach it’s intended target? Well, that’s anybodys guess. And worst of all, nobody seems to care whether it does or not.

Texting on the other hand has that let it fly kinda feelin’, sending your message off to who knows where and hoping it reaches its intended destination. And if you do eventually get a reply (that makes any sense) then consider yourself lucky.

Instant Messaging or Chat as it’s sometimes called has both its good and its bad points. It resembles texting on the Big Screen. If both communicators happen to have Web Cams, then at least they can hope to see a bit of a facial expression here and there. However they also better be equally adept at typing as this isn’t a sport for the non nimble fingered or the textually challenged.

Oh no, this can be a super hectic, fast paced nightmare come to life. Similar to a game of tennis between a fresh Rookie and a seasoned Pro, no doubt somebody is gonna get hit in the balls….. ooops, I mean hit WITH a ball.

I don’t agree with those that think these cyber replacements can come anywhere close to the communication that can be had from just a simple phone call. Sure, on the phone it can sometimes be difficult to read emotions but as long as you throw in a bit of laughter here ‘n there, for the most part you should be ok.

Yet I don’t care what anybody says, there just isn’t any substitute for actually being there with the person you’re communicating with. Having a face to face, one on one conversation with your sweetheart, having her say “I Love You” in real life, just can’t be beat.

So until the day comes that they invent a computer or even a phone for that matter tells me it loves me, all while kissing me on the lips, I’m gonna stick with the ol’ fashioned way. That’s just how I roll.

If you can relate to a need for good communication in a relationship of any kind, I’d appreciate it if you’d share your thoughts in the comment box below and if you enjoyed this post, I’d appreciate it if you’d share it with your friends. Thank you

Money Can’t Buy You Love! How many times have we all heard that one? More times than most of us can count, that’s for sure. And while it might not be able to buy true love as it were, it can certainly buy a reasonable facsimile. Is there really any guarantee that love that is purchased is any more or less reliable or dependable than love that supposedly comes from the heart? Not really.

We’ve all been through lousy relationships in our lives. Encounters with people that have told us that they loved us but when the chips were down, they buckled (or we buckled) and poof, relationship over. There were also some connections that were broken along the way and we weren’t even aware that there was a problem.

I’m sure you know what I’m talkin’ about. You’ve got a birthday, an anniversary of some sort comin’ up or maybe just a Holiday. Either way, some type of a special occasion in the very near future. Your mind shifts into overdrive, doing your best to decide on the perfect memory maker of a gift to mark the date.

After all the anticipation, the day finally arrives and you can hardly wait for her (or him) to unwrap their gift. Next thing you know, BLAM! Rather than a huge smile spreading across their face, they decided that this special occasion would be the perfect time for the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech and yes, you’ve just been dumped. So much for everlasting love.

This is the point where you really have to begin to wonder if love that is purchased could possibly be any less worthwhile than love that supposedly comes from the heart. As we all know, feelings as well as emotions have been known to change. And sometimes seemingly at the flip of a switch and most definitely without prior knowledge. Not to blame this solely on women but I believe most would agree that women tend to do most of the relationship ending, the dumping as it were in the game of love. Apparently they are well aware that they hold the keys to the castle.

Perhaps that comes from guys beliefs that things still have the possibility of working out with a little effort and women think that since their fantasy obviously isn’t going to come true, they’re out. Who knows what women are thinking. I don’t even think some of them know what they’re thinking either. Tends to be a knee jerk reaction and then you’re left to deal with it after the fact. But again, that’s from a guys perspective.

Which leads me back to my original thought. With all of the unknowns, the complete uncertainty, not being able to depend on somebody that says they love you to actually love you, why not look at love from a business standpoint? Perhaps love that is purchased just might hold a bit more substance as well as longevity when compared to an emotionally based relationship will. I know that’s breaking with tradition but when the average marriage these days is lucky to make it 5 years, then the system is obviously flawed. Sounds to me as if a business contract might indeed hold more validity than a marriage certificate.

Now, we all know what the oldest job in the world is and that is not at all what I’m referring to here. I’m not talkin’ a bit of afternoon delight at the No Tell Motel, not hardly. To me that isn’t in any way, shape or form a relationship of any sort. Honestly, it’s just plain gross. Yes, I’m a bit old school when it comes to love and relationships. Shocking as it may seem, I need to be both physically as well as emotionally attracted to a woman to have any desire to share my time with her. I know that goes against the grain in todays world of the quickie hookup but nothing I can do about it, it’s just who I am.

I’m thinking more along the lines of being open and honest right off the bat, going into a relationship with everything out in the open. I know that’s already the way it’s supposed to be in theory but there always seem to be so many things that are just unspoken, merely assumed to be a part of the gender roles. Basically that the man has to take the role of the provider. Not trying to sound like Fred Flintstone here. I’m all about an equal partnership, both partners sharing the load. But think about it for a minute. Even if it’s not promoted as being that way, with all of the womens rights changes etc., when you think about it, it’s still that way. That’s not to say that the woman can’t nor isn’t able to go out and make a living for herself. Matter of fact, in my eyes that’s highly recommended as in todays world it takes two paychecks to get by, not one. And yet in essence the woman still has the best of both worlds, enjoying all of her freedom yet still having the guy to fall back on, just in case.

Now, with that being said, to me that pretty much hints at the fact that the guy is (in a roundabout way) paying for love without saying as much. Like it or not, sure appears that way anyway. And if that truly is the case, why not be up front about it right from the start? Is there anything wrong with full disclosure, both people going into a relationship knowing exactly where they stand? Apparently there is because for some reason this subject is taboo. You’re not supposed to associate money and love. But c’mon people, it’s been that way forever and like it or not isn’t likely to change anytime soon.

So when people say you can’t buy love, truly unconditional love, while that is in one way true, on the other hand people do it all the time. Or at least try to anyway. Unfortunately there are no guarantees, neither regarding time or usage offered with your purchase. In essence, it’s just a gamble. Similar to a car purchase. Yes, there is a warranty of sorts with a new car purchase and most nowadays are an average of 5 years. Sound familiar? Unfortuantely there are no guarantees with a relationship. Love is the biggest gamble of all and more likely than not there’s gonna be a huge crash waiting for you right around the corner. Only problem is, you don’t know which corner it’s going to be.

That is when you come to a point that you have to decide as to whether or not it’s even worth it. Knowing full well that you’re pretty much guaranteed to lose with each relationship, after awhile you have to consider both the good and the bad and weigh your options. Sure, when it’s good, it’s great but when it’s bad, it’s REALLY bad. REALLY BAD! The relationship recovery process can take you another five years. Which gives you plenty of time to think about whether or not you even want to risk your heart again. To lay it on the chopping block, only to have it cut in half just one more time.

Perhaps there’s more to life than another failed relationship? How’s that for thinking outside the box? Maybe it will be time to throw yourself into your work, your hobbies, maybe even time to start checkin’ things off of your Bucket List. Anything to take your mind off of all that you feel is missing in your life. Namely, that special someone. Not that there is a total replacement for a great relationship but there are things that can certainly help take the edge off.

Lots of people may look at this as a mid life crisis, a major meltdown or just plain giving up. But it doesn’t have to be any of those things. And besides, who’s to say if or when you can or can’t have a mid life crisis? How can you predict when the middle of your life is? As far as I know, you can’t. And so what’s wrong with buying yourself a present, something you’ve wanted forever? If it makes YOU feel better, who’s to say that it’s a bad thing. And if that something just happens to be a Ferrari, then so be it.

For others to automatically assume that you’re either attempting to relive your youth(which most of us never had a Ferrari when they were younger, so that makes no sense at all), to attract a woman or merely to tout your wealth, all are shallow viewpoints which lend no credit to the person in question. Yet I will admit, if it’s a Corvette then there could very well be an ulterior motive at work here. Just kiddin’. Well, not so much.

Now, I’m not going to argue the fact that filling ones life with other stuff, all in an effort to take ones mind off of what you really want, that being a healthy, meaningful, loving relationship is obviously not the most desirable answer. Heck no. Not even close. We all want and would much rather have love. To give love as well as to be loved. But that’s not the point here. If in fact we did have that dream relationship, we wouldn’t be searching for something else to fill the void, to occupy our thinking. While we still might buy the car, we’d be buying it with our better half in mind, dreaming of all the road trips we’d take together. Yes, together, endlessly laughing, mile after wonderful mile.

Unfortunately, life is reality and reality dictates that we don’t always get what we want. Damn it! Finding that special someone could take a lifetime or longer. And that’s why doing whatever you feel necessary to relieve that pain should be and is, in my opinion, completely acceptable and entirely up to the individual . As they say, whatever turns you on. And if that whatever happens to be a Ferrari 458 Italia, then consider yourself to be extremely lucky. While it won’t replace true love, it will sure as hell help to take your mind off of it for a while.

If you can relate to the relentless search for the one, your one and only, the love of your life and just how difficult that can be to find, I’d enjoy reading your comments below. And if you know anyone that can benefit from reading this post, I’d appreciate it if you would share it with them. Thank you.

Yessiree, that’s the way it’s lookin’ at this point. I thought I was going to be able to squeeze my way in at the last second but it appears to be a no go. Big sign on the door saying “No Wannabes” and I have a distinct feeling that means me, Joe Wannabe.

At least I can say I gave it a shot. I needed to prove it to myself, once and for all that I’m not as shallow as I thought. But the experiment appears to have failed. Turns out I am kinda shallow. Yep, crazy I know. I mean I had an idea that it was a possibility but now I’ve proven it to myself and to be honest, I’m not real happy about it.

Perhaps shallow isn’t the best of words but superficial doesn’t seem to sound any better. Not to me it doesn’t anyway. Either way you look at it, it’s not a good sign as far as my finding a woman to share my life with.

Like it or not, I think we would all agree that there must be some semblance of physical attraction between two people in order for there to be a strong enough foundation to build a long term relationship on. Some amount of butterflies flyin’ around in your stomach when you’re around this person. And since a long term monogamous relationship is exactly what I’m hoping for, it’s pretty much a critical must have before moving forward.

I guess the strangest part about it is that it took me 5 years to figure this out. Or at least to admit it to myself anyway. I spent so much of my life doing everything possible to remain single. At all costs. I lived at the beach forever as well as indulged in the occasional (daily) alcoholic beverage and the last thing on earth I wanted was a woman telling me when and where I could or couldn’t drink. Needless to say, me and responsibility just never got along all that well.

And I never had any real desire to have kids, just wasn’t anything I ever felt I wanted in my life or that I was missing out on. And as I grew older that feeling only grew stronger. They would only cramp my lifestyle, why on earth would I want something like kids in my life? Something that would require even more responsibility.

Same with a too long long term relationship. I’ve never been a Serial Dater, preferring to stay with a much more one on one approach to relationships. But here again, long term had its limits and when things began to get too close to the inevitable, that meant it was time to run!  Yes, I’ve never been married. I’m old fashioned when it comes to love and romance and since I never wanted to risk divorce, I wanted to be 1000% sure that if I was to get married, that it would last forever. And knowing that marriage would only cramp my lifestyle further, there was only one answer. Marriage was out of the question.

Having just reached my 5 years of total sobriety landmark, it seemed to be an appropriate time to address this issue again. Especially since the main reason I chose to get sober was all because of a woman. Yes, crazy as it seems, I met a woman that I was extremely attracted to and needless to say, she wanted nothing to do with me. I have no guarantee of the reason(s) why, yet I’m sure my being a full on alcoholic wasn’t serving to help my chances of building a long term, loving relationship, that’s for sure.

So I decided to change my life, to become a better me in an effort to build a relationship with a better woman. A woman that I was attracted to, was proud to be with and one that had every reason to be proud to be with me. After I quit self medicating, I realized just how much I truly did want to meet my best friend, a quality woman that I could build a lasting, meaningful relationship with, a woman I could spend the rest of my life with.

I had known that forever, yet I didn’t want to face that fact, knowing that it would mean the end of my partying lifestyle and I just wasn’t anywhere near prepared to give that up.

But give that lifestyle up I did. All in the hopes of building a new life for myself and my(as yet to meet) companion. Unfortunately, over the past five years, my life has taken a complete and total dive. Needless to say, I’ve never needed a drink more than I have in these last five years. But knowing how hard it was for me to get to this point, there’s no way I can go back to my previous lifestyle.

Nope, too much time and energy already invested and from what little I do recall of my party days, I’d have to believe that overall they weren’t much better than the life I’m currently living. I mean, how could they be if I spent each and every waking moment doing everything possible to make those days go away? So I guess I gotta keep on doin’ what I’m doin’, doing whatever I can to hang on to some type of an accomplishment in my life.

So where does that leave me? Single, painfully lonely as well as excruciatingly sober for the rest of my life? Jeez, I sure hope not. That certainly doesn’t sound like any kinda fun, that’s for sure. And if not, then what are my alternatives? Fake my feelings and settle, just to avoid being alone? Not a whole bunch of yumminess in that outlook either.

Perhaps it would be best just to focus on other areas of my life as opposed to making any rash, last minute decisions. On one hand, I’d hate to dedicate my life to complete celibacy and equally, I don’t want to be stuck in a relationship that’s going nowhere fast, without hope of a future, something that I’m unable to get out of, at least without tons of heartache and hurt feelings being added to the mix.

OK then, the decision is made. The decision to make no decision whatsoever. Phew, that wasn’t so difficult after all, now was it? So then the next question becomes how on earth am I going to keep myself preoccupied enough to keep my mind anywhere and everywhere but on women? Being the “King Of The List”, having a list for everything that I need to take care of, want to accomplish, need to get done, perhaps that’s where I should start?

There’s only one small problem with that theory, I already have so many lists that I have lists of all the lists I have made as well as lists of the lists I still need to create so in essence, I guess I don’t need another list. Sounds like I have enough on my plate as it is, at least enough to keep me going for awhile anyway.

Perhaps first thing would be to work a bit on condensing my lists, brush up on my organizational skills? Yeah, that sounds like a great place to start. I have so many scraps of paper and post its everywhere, this could take quite a bit of time to get everything in order before I can even move forward towards completing some of these tasks.

Man, I sure wish I had someone to help me with all this stuff. Someone that understood how one can get buried by their own lists, how difficult it is to get moving once you’re under paralysis by analysis, someone I could have lunch with and discuss the days plans before even getting started.

Maybe even go to the store with me to pick out some items to help me to keep things more organized. Then maybe after we got things straightened up a bit and back on track, we could go out for dinner and discuss the days accomplishments. And then, maybe after dinner we could go for a walk on the beach under the stars, barefoot with the Moon shining bright and the only sounds being our two voices in concert with the crashing of the waves. Dang, I need a woman! NOW!!!

If you can relate to the frustration of being single and not by choice or the struggle to find “the one” and the battle of refusing to settle, I’d enjoy hearing about it and if you know of anyone that can perhaps relate to anything in this post, I’d appreciate it if you’d share it with them as well. Thank you.