I’m NOT One Of THEM, AM I?
Nearly impossible to explain. It’s like some kind of an invisible forcefield, kinda Star Trekish, drawing us in. Go to the light, Go to the light! “Go to the light? What light?” Ohhh, THAT light! That giant laser beam that’s pretty much blinding me. OK, OK, I’ll go!
Seemingly mesmerized, under the spell of some hidden Sorcerer [who goes by the name of Sam], like helpless lemings being pulled by an inexplicable force to a land of endless treasures and bountiful beauty. Somewhere under the rainbow of dreams.
A place where you can have anything your heart desires. For the ladies it could be a marvelous Louis Vuitton purse or a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes, perhaps a new Armani Suit or a Rolex Submariner for the guys. Heck, there’s even tons of goodies for the kids. From 9 months to 90 years old, there’s a guaranteed treasure for everyone. Well, at least according to the commercials anyway.
And to make this relentless abundance of goodies even more enticing is the fact that each and every one of them is guaranteed to have the lowest prices in the universe. The ‘deals’ here just can’t be beat. By anyone, anywhere. Again, that’s what I’ve been lead to believe and since I saw it on TV, it’s gotta be the truth. Right?
As I struggle to get my head to turn a bit left and right [I'm being pulled towards the light so forcefully that it's difficult to turn my head] I begin to notice all the excitement and anticipation on the faces of all the anxious shoppers. I thought I was the only one dying to get inside. Apparently they feel the same way, each of them looking for that ‘one of a kind find’, that special ‘something’ that will make the trip oh so worth it.
Good thing this parking lot is so huge, what with all the treasure seekers scrambling for a spot. That’s when I notice a giant section off to the east side that seems to be filled with ‘lifers’, those that choose to bring their campers and motorhomes. Jeez, they must REALLY love a bargain if they have to live here. Perhaps they need a 12 Step Program?
Alright, almost inside. I’m shaking so badly at this point, I just can’t wait to get in there. What’s with these people, why would they grab a shopping cart BEFORE they even get inside? Seems stupid to try and get that thing through the door when everybody is gonna be squeezin’ through as it is.
That’s when it dawns on me. What if they’re out of carts on the inside? I did see a guy way off in the distance with a giant ‘train’ of carts and he was heading towards the entrance. All I can do is hope he gets there in time or there’s bound to be a riot of some kind.
Alright, made it through the first set of doors. First set? Huh? Why do they have two sets of doors? Maybe it’s to catch the ‘bad guys’ that try to steal all the expensive trinkets waiting inside. Keep moving, mussst….get….in…side… ahhhhhhh, made it through door number two and I still have my shoes on. Life is good.
