Random Ramblings Of A BlogAholic » Christmas

Hi Grandma, It’s Bryan, I’m Calling To Wish You A Happy Birthday

Bryan — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 05:31:29 +0000

“Hi Grandma, it’s Bryan, I’m calling to say Happy Birthday! Can you believe you’re 94 today?” Oh, how I wish I really could make this call but unfortunatley my Grandma is no longer with us. She passed in February of ’09 and to be honest, I still cry when I think about her being gone.

Oh, I know it’s real and I know she’s gone but she was such a huge part of my childhood, my entire life and she holds a very special place in my heart.

Some of the earliest memories I have are of being at Grandma and Grandpas house for the best Thanksgivings ever. She sure knew how to cook a turkey (way before they ever invented the little Red Popper Upper thingy) that’s for sure but it was the gravy, that chunky (filled with all kinds of ‘innards’ as I would come to learn later on) gravy that really made the turkey what it was and the Ambrosia (a fancy way of sayin’ Fruit Salad) was just incredible.

No canned Cranberry Sauce for her, no way and it was the same with the Pumpkin Pie, no store bought action there either. The huge table, with it’s antique table cloth, fancy plates and real silverware, was covered in numerous marvelous dishes. So many fixins that basically all you could do is eat two bites of each item and then it was time to hit the couch. You were pretty much done for the day.

And that’s even if you didn’t eat dinner the night before, which I often did to make sure I had room to squeeze in every delectable bite I could of Grandmas Thanksgiving Feast! Then to top it off, we always left with a ton of leftovers so it was a week of turkey sandwiches and fixins, which I enjoyed as much as my Mom did, because she basically got a week off from cooking. No doubt it was a win/win.

We also spent numerous Christmas’ with my Grandparents and the word special is an understatement. Oh how they loved Xmas, and so did me and my sister. Grandmas house for any of the Holidays always spelled FUN!

Another stand out for me were all the trips to Disneyland. I was born in Anaheim and we lived just down the street from D~Land. My Grandma took my sister and I more times than I can even count.

As we got older, we were able to cruise around the entire Magic Kingdom on our own, which was super sweet. Grandma would set a time and we’d meet her back at the Pirates of the Caribbean or the Submarine Ride.

I can still remember bein’ around 10 or 11 and I was on the hunt for girls that were without their parents and I actually kinda ‘hooked up’ (in those days that meant we went through the Haunted House together) with a girl (as I look back, she might have been a ‘Cougar’, as I was into older fourteen year old women back then) and I ended up getting back late to meet my Grandma, who was pretty much on fire at that point! I don’t think she swatted me in front of the entire world but I definitely received a stearn lecture of sorts.

She wasn’t afraid to take charge of the situation as she definitely had discipline down to a science but she also had the biggest heart when it came to us kids. Now, keep in mind I might be sayin’ that last part because I was her favorite, I’m not sure.

But then I’ll bet she bought us chocolate covered frozen bananas right after that. That’s the kind of Grandma she was, tough but soft. Hmmmm, I wonder if that’s where my chocolate addiction first took hold?

As we grew up, she continued to be there for us. Although Thanksgivings and Christmas’ weren’t really the same after my parents divorced (when I was 14), I still loved my Grandma as much as ever and cherished the times that I did get to see her.

For those that read my previous post (http://www.bryangira.com/life-is-short-dont-put-it-off) on her 93rd Birthday, I won’t go into it here but suffice it to say that as time went on, I didn’t put forth the effort that I should have in regards to visiting her. And like a ton of bricks, it came crashing down on me when I found out it was too late. My Grandma was diagnosed with Dementia, early Alzheimers, and spent her last years not knowing who I was.

But I don’t want this post to turn into a tear fest (any more than it already is) and so I want to continue to focus on what a wonderful, caring, giving, loving woman that she was and as far as I’m concerned, the Best Grandma EVER!

Grandma, I miss you more than you’ll ever know….and Happy 94th Birthday!

Love, Bryan

If you’ve had a similar situation with any of your family members, if you can relate in any way, I’d love to hear about it and if you enjoyed this Post, I’d appreciate it if you’d share it with your friends.

XMAS SUCKS! There…. I Said It!

Bryan — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 19:56:04 +0000

Yep, that’s what I said. Christmas really does suck. Not sure if I’m the only one that feels this way or just the only one with enough guts to say it out loud. And I really can’t say when it all changed but it’s just about the most miserable time of the year for me. Matter of fact, this time of the year has sucked for so long that I can barely remember far enough back to when it didn’t suck.

Strange though, how some of the greatest memories I have are memories of Xmas’ past, yet now I literally dread this time of the year. I can still recall relentlessly shaking every box under the tree, doing my best to figure out just exactly what Santa brought me.

Always hoping for a rattle, clunk or a knock of some sort. At the very least a bit of “weight”, insuring a cool toy. But I can still remember the pain and disappointment of the “quiet” boxes which signalled the impending let down of socks or a sweater. And needless to say I always checked the boxes that were addressed to my sister. Surely I couldn’t have her getting more “rattlers” than I was, right? Right!

When did it all change? When did it take such a horrible turn for the worse? I don’t think it was upon discovering the fact that my parents had been lying to me this entire time. That Santa really didn’t exist and that he was just some made up fantasy. Some commercially driven “Guru” conjured up to guilt people into buying more “stuff”. No, that couldn’t have been it. I was too young to understand any of that and besides, I didn’t see any kind of a drop in my “under the tree box count” once Santa was out of the picture. There had to be more to it.

Perhaps it was when I had to start buying presents for other people, OUT OF MY OWN MONEY! What the heck was that all about? I mean c’mon, wasn’t Christmas all about receiving? As I would come to learn, it wasn’t after all and so I must admit coming to that realization did tarnish things a bit. As I write this, I’m kinda getting the drift that I might have been a bit spoiled back then. Jeez, who’d a thunk it?

It seems as if everyone is having the best time ever, enjoying friends and family and truly getting in to the Holiday spirit. But here I am watching the clock tick by at a snails pace, second after miserable second, just trying to survive until the ball drops somewhere on earth and I can start my New Year.

Originally I had planned on just ending 2009 a month early, getting a jump start on 2010 and bypassing this “season” altogether but I was hit with some devastating news around the end of November which left me in a total funk for the last few weeks. So I have no other option than to suffer through ’till the New Year.

To make things even worse, I can remember saying pretty much these same words last year at this time and promising myself that 2009 was gonna be different. It was going to be the year that everything changed for me, I got my life back on track and things started to go good for a change. Nope, never happened.

Do I dare give it another shot? Another attempt to make 2010 a great year? I’m not stupid enough to say that ’10 couldn’t be worse than ’09 because as we all know, things can always be worse and just as soon as you utter those words, they will become reality. Therefore, I won’t waste my time on the negative energy.

And yes, I know all about being grateful for what we have, not complaining about what we don’t have. It’s just that after another twelve months have flown by and I’m in even worse shape than I was at this time last year, the positive side of things is just a bit harder to find. Seems much further away, somewhere off in the distance. Matter of fact, kinda hard to see it at all now that most of the “shine” has been tarnished. Not even sure a 55 gallon drum of TARN-X could save them now. All those hopes, dreams and goals washed away.

Speaking of goals, what happened to all those goals that I had? All those dreams I had planned on coming true. I’ll be the first to admit that I hate playing the blame game but in this case I pretty much have to. Sure, it would be nice to say that “this” happened or “that” went wrong because of so and so but when it comes right down to it, there’s really nobody to blame but me. Yikes, that’s not exactly a great realization to come to. But the truth hurts and all the blame surely falls on me.

When it comes right down to it, nobody is going to change my life but me. Sure, things are gonna happen that force me to change my plans every so often and I’ll need to adjust my goals accordingly but that’s still no excuse for an entire year passing me by with nothing to show for it.

Were my goals too lofty, did I set the bar too high? I’d have to think not. I think it’s more along the lines of not taking enough action, not staying laser focused on what I wanted to accomplish, refusing to let anything stop me until I achieved them. Here again, the blame surely lies with me.

So here we are, with the end of 2009 drawing near. Do I dare make another list of goals and dreams? How can I not? I mean, isn’t that what this time of the year is all about? Trying to make your life better and not repeating the same mistakes you made the year before. And so with that I guess my first goal for 2010 is to make sure next Christmas doesn’t suck. I don’t want to have to look back at this post, change a couple numbers and copy and paste it to my blog. Nope, 2010 is going to be better. I just know it.