Wikipedia defines Communication as; a process whereby information is enclosed in a package and is channeled and imparted by a sender to a receiver via some medium. The receiver then decodes the message and gives the sender a feedback. All forms of communication require a sender, a message, and an intended recipient, however the receiver need not be present or aware of the sender’s intent to communicate at the time of communication in order for the act of communication to occur.

Communication requires that all parties have an area of communicative commonality. There are auditory means, such as speech, song, and tone of voice, and there are nonverbal means, such as body language, sign language, paralanguage, touch, eye contact, through media, i.e., pictures, graphics and sound, and writing.

I guess what they’re tryin’ to say is that no matter what, it takes a minimum of two people, regardless of whether they are present or not, to make the communication work. That sounds simple enough. But that’s where you’d be wrong.

I think it’s the part where the other person need not be present that messes things up. Back in the ol’ days, the person that you were attempting to communicate with pretty much had to be right there next to you in order to hear and to even hope to understand what it was you were trying to say.

Still no guarantees as languages and speech were not perfect sciences at that point. Back then, hand gestures played a huge part in communicating your message to another person. That and a good swift yank of the hair.

As time went on, things got a bit better as more languages evolved and it was generally frowned upon to pull a females hair. That’s not to say that fights no longer broke out over something that was mistakenly said but for the most part, Tribes pretty much had a basic language they worked with and it was up to you to learn it. If not, it could definitely cost you dearly.

Again, for the most part, you pretty much had to be within hearing distance of whomever you were trying to communicate with. I’d have to think that if yelling hadn’t been invented yet, this just might have been when it first became popular.

Writing has basically been around since the Caveman days, hammering one rock with another rock to create stories of sorts in an effort to communicate but here again, I have to wonder just how much got lost in the translation. Hmmm, is that an elephant or a deer? Perhaps a dog? Maybe a horse?

I think you get my point. Communication still left a lot to be desired. But as alphabets began to flourish, languages became much more polished. That’s not to say they were by any means perfected but more often that not, guidelines were set in place allowing a bit more structure and a little less room for self interpretation.

As people began to migrate all over the world, they tended to take their language with them. Which was fine, as long as you just stayed with your own group but once you tried to communicate with another tribe, you were just plain screwed. Major language barrier. Which also meant quite a few arguments ensued.

Finally, at least in the U.S., one single language began to take hold and it was either you learned how to speak, read and write it or you were quickly left behind. Yes, you could get by with just speaking the language alone but if you couldn’t read and write, your future was extremely limited.

Luckily the telegraph was invented as that would allow you to communicate with others that were a very large distance away. Same with letters being delivered by the Steam Driven Locomotives and the Pony Express, two other great ways to reach out and touch someone.

We as humans have always had an inherent need, a desire to stay connected and being able to sit down by candlelight, dipping your feather in an ink well, chronicalling all of your thoughts and sending them off to the wide open spaces, knowing there was a pretty good chance that they would actually arrive at there intended destination had to be a huge breakthrough.

But none of these can even come close to the invention of the telephone. Oh no, THAT was the breakthrough of that Century. For the first time, you were able to communicate with someone in real time, from thousands of miles away. No more wondering if they could hear you or understand you, instant feedback.

Speaking of feedback, it kinda makes you wonder who the first person was to ever get the phone slammed down on him. I say him because I have a feeling that it was a woman hangin’ up on a guy because of something he said….or didn’t say. I’m just guessin’ here….

Fast forward quite a few years and while the phone has gotten smaller and quite a bit more mobile, you’d still have to think it’s the preferred form of communication. Besides being there in person, of course.

Unfortunately thanks(?) to all of the new technology available, we now have various other ways to stay in contact. Whether it be through Email, Text Messaging, Instant Messaging, all of those have opened up so many more avenues for communication in todays modern world. Or have they?

It seems as if instead of opening up all of these new avenues of communication, all they’ve done is replace actual communication with cybersmoke blowing. While the phone couldn’t replace actually being there in person, it was the next best thing.

I say was because it seems to have been replaced by these other means of so called communication. A few clicks here, push another button there and whoooosh, off goes your message. Off to who knows where. Will it reach it’s intended target? Well, that’s anybodys guess. And worst of all, nobody seems to care whether it does or not.

Texting on the other hand has that let it fly kinda feelin’, sending your message off to who knows where and hoping it reaches its intended destination. And if you do eventually get a reply (that makes any sense) then consider yourself lucky.

Instant Messaging or Chat as it’s sometimes called has both its good and its bad points. It resembles texting on the Big Screen. If both communicators happen to have Web Cams, then at least they can hope to see a bit of a facial expression here and there. However they also better be equally adept at typing as this isn’t a sport for the non nimble fingered or the textually challenged.

Oh no, this can be a super hectic, fast paced nightmare come to life. Similar to a game of tennis between a fresh Rookie and a seasoned Pro, no doubt somebody is gonna get hit in the balls….. ooops, I mean hit WITH a ball.

I don’t agree with those that think these cyber replacements can come anywhere close to the communication that can be had from just a simple phone call. Sure, on the phone it can sometimes be difficult to read emotions but as long as you throw in a bit of laughter here ‘n there, for the most part you should be ok.

Yet I don’t care what anybody says, there just isn’t any substitute for actually being there with the person you’re communicating with. Having a face to face, one on one conversation with your sweetheart, having her say “I Love You” in real life, just can’t be beat.

So until the day comes that they invent a computer or even a phone for that matter tells me it loves me, all while kissing me on the lips, I’m gonna stick with the ol’ fashioned way. That’s just how I roll.

If you can relate to a need for good communication in a relationship of any kind, I’d appreciate it if you’d share your thoughts in the comment box below and if you enjoyed this post, I’d appreciate it if you’d share it with your friends. Thank you

Money Can’t Buy You Love! How many times have we all heard that one? More times than most of us can count, that’s for sure. And while it might not be able to buy true love as it were, it can certainly buy a reasonable facsimile. Is there really any guarantee that love that is purchased is any more or less reliable or dependable than love that supposedly comes from the heart? Not really.

We’ve all been through lousy relationships in our lives. Encounters with people that have told us that they loved us but when the chips were down, they buckled (or we buckled) and poof, relationship over. There were also some connections that were broken along the way and we weren’t even aware that there was a problem.

I’m sure you know what I’m talkin’ about. You’ve got a birthday, an anniversary of some sort comin’ up or maybe just a Holiday. Either way, some type of a special occasion in the very near future. Your mind shifts into overdrive, doing your best to decide on the perfect memory maker of a gift to mark the date.

After all the anticipation, the day finally arrives and you can hardly wait for her (or him) to unwrap their gift. Next thing you know, BLAM! Rather than a huge smile spreading across their face, they decided that this special occasion would be the perfect time for the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech and yes, you’ve just been dumped. So much for everlasting love.

This is the point where you really have to begin to wonder if love that is purchased could possibly be any less worthwhile than love that supposedly comes from the heart. As we all know, feelings as well as emotions have been known to change. And sometimes seemingly at the flip of a switch and most definitely without prior knowledge. Not to blame this solely on women but I believe most would agree that women tend to do most of the relationship ending, the dumping as it were in the game of love. Apparently they are well aware that they hold the keys to the castle.

Perhaps that comes from guys beliefs that things still have the possibility of working out with a little effort and women think that since their fantasy obviously isn’t going to come true, they’re out. Who knows what women are thinking. I don’t even think some of them know what they’re thinking either. Tends to be a knee jerk reaction and then you’re left to deal with it after the fact. But again, that’s from a guys perspective.

Which leads me back to my original thought. With all of the unknowns, the complete uncertainty, not being able to depend on somebody that says they love you to actually love you, why not look at love from a business standpoint? Perhaps love that is purchased just might hold a bit more substance as well as longevity when compared to an emotionally based relationship will. I know that’s breaking with tradition but when the average marriage these days is lucky to make it 5 years, then the system is obviously flawed. Sounds to me as if a business contract might indeed hold more validity than a marriage certificate.

Now, we all know what the oldest job in the world is and that is not at all what I’m referring to here. I’m not talkin’ a bit of afternoon delight at the No Tell Motel, not hardly. To me that isn’t in any way, shape or form a relationship of any sort. Honestly, it’s just plain gross. Yes, I’m a bit old school when it comes to love and relationships. Shocking as it may seem, I need to be both physically as well as emotionally attracted to a woman to have any desire to share my time with her. I know that goes against the grain in todays world of the quickie hookup but nothing I can do about it, it’s just who I am.

I’m thinking more along the lines of being open and honest right off the bat, going into a relationship with everything out in the open. I know that’s already the way it’s supposed to be in theory but there always seem to be so many things that are just unspoken, merely assumed to be a part of the gender roles. Basically that the man has to take the role of the provider. Not trying to sound like Fred Flintstone here. I’m all about an equal partnership, both partners sharing the load. But think about it for a minute. Even if it’s not promoted as being that way, with all of the womens rights changes etc., when you think about it, it’s still that way. That’s not to say that the woman can’t nor isn’t able to go out and make a living for herself. Matter of fact, in my eyes that’s highly recommended as in todays world it takes two paychecks to get by, not one. And yet in essence the woman still has the best of both worlds, enjoying all of her freedom yet still having the guy to fall back on, just in case.

Now, with that being said, to me that pretty much hints at the fact that the guy is (in a roundabout way) paying for love without saying as much. Like it or not, sure appears that way anyway. And if that truly is the case, why not be up front about it right from the start? Is there anything wrong with full disclosure, both people going into a relationship knowing exactly where they stand? Apparently there is because for some reason this subject is taboo. You’re not supposed to associate money and love. But c’mon people, it’s been that way forever and like it or not isn’t likely to change anytime soon.

So when people say you can’t buy love, truly unconditional love, while that is in one way true, on the other hand people do it all the time. Or at least try to anyway. Unfortunately there are no guarantees, neither regarding time or usage offered with your purchase. In essence, it’s just a gamble. Similar to a car purchase. Yes, there is a warranty of sorts with a new car purchase and most nowadays are an average of 5 years. Sound familiar? Unfortuantely there are no guarantees with a relationship. Love is the biggest gamble of all and more likely than not there’s gonna be a huge crash waiting for you right around the corner. Only problem is, you don’t know which corner it’s going to be.

That is when you come to a point that you have to decide as to whether or not it’s even worth it. Knowing full well that you’re pretty much guaranteed to lose with each relationship, after awhile you have to consider both the good and the bad and weigh your options. Sure, when it’s good, it’s great but when it’s bad, it’s REALLY bad. REALLY BAD! The relationship recovery process can take you another five years. Which gives you plenty of time to think about whether or not you even want to risk your heart again. To lay it on the chopping block, only to have it cut in half just one more time.

Perhaps there’s more to life than another failed relationship? How’s that for thinking outside the box? Maybe it will be time to throw yourself into your work, your hobbies, maybe even time to start checkin’ things off of your Bucket List. Anything to take your mind off of all that you feel is missing in your life. Namely, that special someone. Not that there is a total replacement for a great relationship but there are things that can certainly help take the edge off.

Lots of people may look at this as a mid life crisis, a major meltdown or just plain giving up. But it doesn’t have to be any of those things. And besides, who’s to say if or when you can or can’t have a mid life crisis? How can you predict when the middle of your life is? As far as I know, you can’t. And so what’s wrong with buying yourself a present, something you’ve wanted forever? If it makes YOU feel better, who’s to say that it’s a bad thing. And if that something just happens to be a Ferrari, then so be it.

For others to automatically assume that you’re either attempting to relive your youth(which most of us never had a Ferrari when they were younger, so that makes no sense at all), to attract a woman or merely to tout your wealth, all are shallow viewpoints which lend no credit to the person in question. Yet I will admit, if it’s a Corvette then there could very well be an ulterior motive at work here. Just kiddin’. Well, not so much.

Now, I’m not going to argue the fact that filling ones life with other stuff, all in an effort to take ones mind off of what you really want, that being a healthy, meaningful, loving relationship is obviously not the most desirable answer. Heck no. Not even close. We all want and would much rather have love. To give love as well as to be loved. But that’s not the point here. If in fact we did have that dream relationship, we wouldn’t be searching for something else to fill the void, to occupy our thinking. While we still might buy the car, we’d be buying it with our better half in mind, dreaming of all the road trips we’d take together. Yes, together, endlessly laughing, mile after wonderful mile.

Unfortunately, life is reality and reality dictates that we don’t always get what we want. Damn it! Finding that special someone could take a lifetime or longer. And that’s why doing whatever you feel necessary to relieve that pain should be and is, in my opinion, completely acceptable and entirely up to the individual . As they say, whatever turns you on. And if that whatever happens to be a Ferrari 458 Italia, then consider yourself to be extremely lucky. While it won’t replace true love, it will sure as hell help to take your mind off of it for a while.

If you can relate to the relentless search for the one, your one and only, the love of your life and just how difficult that can be to find, I’d enjoy reading your comments below. And if you know anyone that can benefit from reading this post, I’d appreciate it if you would share it with them. Thank you.

I recently found myself re-reading my last Post and it struck me as not so much being incomplete as it was lacking in telling the entire story, if that makes any sense. While I started off with a particular thought in mind and I felt I said what I wanted to say in that regard, I also touched on a couple other ‘points’ but I wasn’t able to delve into them as much as I would have liked to.

Not so much as an excuse but with my Moms passing a couple months ago, I haven’t written anywhere near as much as I had been writing prior to that. To be honest, my heart just wasn’t in it. Well, that’s not exactly correct, it’s more like my heart was too far in it. I was feeling so heartbroken that I knew that no matter what came out of my heart through my writing and landed on the screen was gonna be at the very least a tear jerker and when I’m feeling that way, I end up spending more time sobbing myself than I do typing. Extremely unproductive as you can well imagine. And so I avoided writing to a degree. Matter of fact, I’ve only written two Posts since the end of September and prior to that, I was on a roll and writing two or three posts a week. And when your posts average 2000 words, that’s alot of ‘thoughts’ to suddenly keep bottled up inside.

And so even though I’m by no means healed, I find myself back at the keyboard. Unfortunately, my heart is still feeling rather heavy and as such my subject matter might take on a similar tone. But at the risk of being glum, I needed to get back to my writing. And since everything I write is from my heart, as they say, it’s not gonna be all sunshine, lollipops and roses.

Trust me, I wish it was. I have the same desires as everyone else, to be happy 24/7 and I’ll be the first to admit that I know damn well that that’s not anywhere near possible but I’d like to see if I can come close to that anyway. But I can already tell by what I’ve written so far that my heart is still hangin’ way lower than usual. Not quite in the dirt like it was a couple months ago but without a doubt nowhere near where it should be.

And that is kinda what sparked me to write this post. I noticed a status update on a Facebook friends wall a bit earlier tonight and it reminded me of a Post that I had written quite awhile back. For those that are unfamiliar with my Blog or my writing in general, everything I write about comes from deep within my heart and soul and everything I write is based on a thought I’ve had or am currently thinking.

No doubt I do my best to add in a bit of humor here and there whenever possible, doing my best to lighten the mood. I have enjoyed making people laugh, or attempting to anyway, from as far back as I can remember. It makes me feel good to be able to ‘take the edge off’ for someone else and quite often that’s at my own expense. Yes, I’m not afraid of self depricating humor as I seem to be a ‘factory’ for things to laugh at about myself. No doubt sometimes it helps me as well to be able to laugh at myself.

Which is why everything I write has basically two motivations, to help myself deal with a thought, a feeling or a mood that I’m encountering at the time and secondly, if I can help to ease the ‘pain’ of someone else that is or has experienced a similar feeling, then that just makes it all the better. My goal has always been to spill my guts in hopes that someone else can learn from my experiences. And I find that when I jot down my thoughts, I can deal with them better as well. Especially when I can go back and read them again, a year later.

Sometimes I find that I’ve learned a lesson and made some progress in a certain area and other times, the news isn’t as good and I find that I’m still ‘stuck’ or even worse, have backtracked on a subject that I had hoped to at the very least make progress and possibly even conquer. Which is exactly what happened this time. After browsing over an earlier post, it appears I haven’t learned anything at all. At least not what I set out to conquer anyway. I’m still in the same boat, possibly even taking on water and missing an oar at this point.

So, that brings up the question. Now that I have no way of hiding from it, because as we all know, no matter where we go, there we are. And we can stick our heads as far down in the sand as possible but knowing that we have to come up for air at some point, there’s a pretty good chance that the reason we went underground will still be waiting for us when we pull our head out. Out of the sand, that is.

I found myself wondering why I haven’t gotten any further in this department. Is it fear? Probably. But fear of what? Fear of failure? Fear of success? Fear of rejection? Fear of the unknown? Fear of fear? I would have to believe that fear of some sort is what stops most of us from just about everything in life. And we’ve all heard the acronym False Evidence Appearing Real and no doubt, it does more than apprear real, it IS real! Why else would we be so afraid?

I’m sure that I fall prey to most of those reasons except for perhaps the fear of success. I don’t think I’m so much afraid of success as I am afraid that I will never get to the point where I have enough of it. I have extremely high expectations of myself. Which is in itself kinda scary but it’s quite possible that that’s a good kind of scary. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. But success or lack of is not the number one thing on my mind and so I have to feel that there is some other form of fear holding me back from being and doing all I want in life.

That’s when it dawned on me. It’s not exactly fear of one thing in particular, it’s what happens ‘after’ that I’m afraid of. Yes, what happens after is what scares the hell outta me! I’m sure you know the feeling. The feeling that comes draggin’ along after you fail. And not so much just fail at something as that dreadful ‘feeling’ also takes over when you don’t get to experience the outcome that you had hoped for. At whatever it is. The disappointment, the letdown, the bummer of it all. Finding out that whatever it is you were hoping for, working towards, bustin’ your ass to accomplish is basically over and done. No more need to continue working towards that goal, it’s over. Finished. The End!

All your hopes, dreams, plans, everything that you had to look forward to, all of the fuel for your fire is wiped out in a split second. All of the tools that you used to get up out of bed each and every day, used to spur you on to bigger and better things, a better person, all gone now. Then what do you do. How do you find anything to go forward with after that?

That’s when you begin to think about just how difficult it was to come up with all the gusto you had to muster up in the first place just to get you to the point where you were standing now, crushed and heartbroken. All that effort ….. and for what? Just to stand there (or lay there, as the case may be) and be in an even worse place than you were before you began the journey. The journey of hope. The journey of manifesting a dream.

How many times had you told yourself, this time it’s gonna happen. This time it’s gonna all work out. I just know it, this is finally gonna be the time everything goes my way. And yet, sure as hell, there you are, feeling as if you have just totally wasted all that time and effort. In fact you would have probably been better off had you never even made the attempt in the first place. At least that’s how you’re feeling right then but is that necessarily true?

I mean, sure you could have avoided the failure or the heartbreak or whatever lousy feeling you’re experiencing but if you really give it some thought, I’m sure you’ll begin to realize that you must have been feeling some form of discontent in the first place to have even taken on something with such a large possibility of heartache if you were to fail. Being ‘new’, the disappointment is at it’s strongest at that point which only makes you question your decision that much more. But again, you must have really needed to ‘know’ if it was a possibility, otherwise you never would have taken it on in the first place.

And this is what triggered me to write this post. I have been doing alot of thinking lately, alot of should I or shouldn’t I about something that, depending on whether or not I continue further with my thought process, could either turn out to be a major positive in my life or a huge disaster. And this is where my evil nemesis, fear comes into play.

Common sense tells me not to even attempt to take it any further. Based on the history of how things similar to this have gone for me, common sense says to just cut my losses and forget about it. Learn to live with all the wondering and the questions that already bombard my brain and hope that eventually all of that ‘noise’ will begin to fade. And jeez, if it was that easy to forget about I probably would have already done it. But it’s anything but easy to forget about.

Yet the penalty for risking it, for taking a chance, for putting forth the effort to find out if it could be a possibility is huge unto itself. The loss could and would be devastating. Not only from my feelings being destroyed but from the repercussions and the shockwaves that it could send throughout all involved.

But the other side of the loss is what I’m guaranteed to lose by not taking a chance on finding out for myself what the answer actually is. Rather than predetermining the outcome, shouldn’t I be willing to risk it if it really means that much to me? Hmmmmmm……

I mean, I’m smart and all but I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know everything. Not the least of which is what someone else is thinking or the outcome that they could possibly have pictured in their mind or for that matter, even if they’re on the same wavelength and even thinking about it in the slightest. And so the roller coaster begins, the endless cycle of doubt and second guessing and with each yes, another no flys by to counteract it. By that point, you’re pretty much just along for the ride. Swimming in a sea of self doubt and let me be the first to tell you, there are alot of of sharks in those waters, ready to take a big ol’ bite out of you!

So do I sit back, shut up and suffer in silence or do I speak up, let my thoughts be known and possibly get crushed. Do I throw common sense and my perception of reality out the window and allow in the possibility of a major dream coming true? How much influence should common sense hold? More than the possible bliss of a dream coming true? Is common sense actually another form of reality or just like anything else, another form of perception or even worse, self inflicted deception and up to each of us to determine exactly what it is. I truly believe that perception is a big key to everything. Boy, this is where being a mind reader would really come in handy.

One thing that I do know for sure. If I don’t pursue it, if I don’t ask what it is I want to ask then the answer will without a doubt be no. How could it be otherwise? If you don’t ask for something, you’ll never get it. But if I do risk it all, take a huge chance and put everything on the line, then there’s a slight possibility that the answer could be yes. Sure, things could go horribly wrong and even more things could be ruined by asking but the anxiety of not knowing and the possibility of a dream come true not manifesting has a way of getting very heavy as well.

I’ve taken some risks in my life before and I haven’t always come out on the good side of things but on those rare occasions that I have conquered, it was oh so worth it. To know that I looked fear straight in the eye and beat it was only icing on the cake. But as we all know, just writing down our goals and dreams is only half the battle. Achieving them also requires action. And therefore, if you need me, I’ll be the guy with his head in the sand, doing a bit of thinking, mustering up the courage to make a decision of some kind.

If you find that you can relate to fear and being afraid to take risks, I’d enjoy hearing your comments and if you know someone who might enkoy this post, I’d appreciate it if you’d share it with them. Thank you.

Spellbound. I thought it was an actual word but I went to Wikipedia and they rattled off a few movie titles, a couple of records and that was pretty much about it. Apparently it doesn’t exist, at least according to Wiki.

Next step, Merriam-Webster. They have to have something on it, correct? Sure enough. Seems it’s an adjective meaning: held by or as if by a SPELL. Now that’s more like it. And according to good ol’ M-W, the first known use of the word was way back in 1785.

Yep, that sounds about right. I think I’ve been under your Spell for just about that long. Seems like it’s been longer but I’ll stick with their research. After all, they’re the experts, I’m just a mere mortal.

I browsed the page a bit more, searching for an answer of sorts, some kind of an explanation as to how this could have ever happened. Especially to me. Yes, especially to someone like me.

Sure, no doubt I can be pretty much relentless when it comes to the pursuit of a personal dream or a goal, basically because I hate to fail. At anything. I never want to let myself down by not doing my best, by not giving it my all and even worse, I don’t want to be without whatever it is that I’m dreamin’ of or striving for.

And I never want to fall short of reaching my goals. That’s just unacceptable. Not to sound egotistical but I can usually be counted on to pull off any goal I set for myself. Some things might take a bit more time than others but I know that if another person can do it, I sure as hell can too! And if I set the intention, it’s only a matter of time before it manifests.

And while this way of thinking works well when it comes to personal development type things and especially as it pertains to material things, this strategy as it were doesn’t hold water in the world of relationships with females of the opposite sex.

Nope, unfortunately it doesn’t seem to work anywhere near as well. Perhaps it’s the fact that these precious beings have minds of their own and they can do their own thinking. Dammit!

As it turns out, they’re fully capable of making a decision as to whether or not they want to take the time to get to know you. And if they don’t, you’ll usually know pretty damn quick. TOO QUICK!

And for the most part, I’d like to think I’m fairly good at taking a hint and knowing when to hit the road. In fact, I’ve been known to bail at the first sign of a don’t bother, at hidden hints, at signals that aren’t even there.

I guess what I’m saying is that without some kind of positive feedback every once in a while, some sort of emotional output from the other side, I have no desire to continue. Not that I’m necessarily giving up, it’s just that I don’t want to be where I’m not wanted. Or anywhere I perceive that I’m not wanted.

And so that’s what leads me to the questioning of my entire thinking process over these last couple years. It’s like my own knowledge of right and wrong has been seriously altered by some unknown entity and whatever I previously thought to be appropriate behavior in the realm of relationship building was tossed aside.

Thrown completely out the window in the pursuit of something so much more important to me than pride, than ego, basically even more important than lookin’ like a fool! Which for people that know me, they KNOW how much I hate to look like a fool. Trust me on this one, I’m just as surprised as anybody by my behavior.

It’s almost as if I’m no longer in control of my faculties. I’ve obviously lost all self control, not to mention common sense. That’s what leads me to believe that I must be under some kinda Spell.

At this point it’s becoming increasingly obvious that I’m no longer in charge. In charge of me. I feel like a puppet and someone else is pulling my strings. I’m doing things that I normally would never ever do. Basically I’ve lost all control.

I have to admit, this is something I just can’t explain. It doesn’t actaully make any sense, at least from a logical perspective. Why on earth would anybody, at least anybody in their right mind continue to push forward in the face of such a seemingly one sided situation as this one appears to be?

No doubt I can’t even begin to answer that question. Well, to be honest I have an answer that I think is correct but I’m a bit afraid to even go there for fear of jinxing it. Any way you look at it, I’m unable to let go, to give up, to stop my pursuit. That’s what leads me to believe that I’m being pulled by something so much more powerful than anything and everything I previously thought was important to me.

Which in turn causes me to reevaluate everything I thought was important. Everything that I held near and dear to me has been replaced by something that I can’t even begin to figure out, let alone explain. How cool is that? As a matter of fact, not really that cool at all.

To be driven by an unknown source, one that you’re unable to turn on or off is not the greatest place to be. Especially when you’re a reformed (reforming?) control freak. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not in control of this journey, that’s for sure.

So all I can do at this point is to ride it out, to continue on this path of the unknown and wait to see where I end up. Sink or swim, it’s obviously not up to me. The current is just too damn strong. I’m just along for the ride.

If you can relate to this Post, I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts and if you enjoyed it, I’d appreciate it if you’d share it with your friends.

How do I even begin to put in to words just how much meeting you has meant to me? It seems that mere words aren’t enough to say what’s on my mind and in my heart. To tell you how I truly feel. Yet, in some way I need to tell the world about one of the most wonderful people I could have ever hoped to have met. While I made an attempt in an earlier post, You Were Right On Time!, I feel the need to let everyone know just how incredible you truly are.

I have struggled with this post for about a month now. It was approximately this time last month that I received the saddest news ever, that one of the sweetest people I have ever known had passed away. That I had lost someone so dear to my heart, that I would never again get to talk with you, to hear your beautiful voice. Needless to say I was devastated by the news and have been ever since.

And as you can tell, I’m having extreme difficulty refering to anything in the past tense. I keep hoping that the next time I open my eyes, this will all be just a bad dream, a nightmare of sorts and that all of a sudden my phone will ring and it will be you on the other end, calling to tell me that everything is ok. Oh, how I need to hear your voice right now.


Every time I sit down at my desk and attempt to express my emotions, my inner feelings, the flood of tears begins to flow uncontrollably and the river of sorrow clouds my eyes to the point of not being able to see the keyboard and with my lack of typing skills, I need to look at the keys quite often. This has been one of, if not the most difficult posts I’ve ever written.


Yet I know I can’t give up, I need to persevere. In fact, after spending the last few hours typing this post the first time [yes, I said the "first" time] my computer ‘locked up’ and I completely lost everything I had originally written. Even though the draft had apparently been saved, obviously that wasn’t the case. And so here we go, again. I refuse to give up.


Speaking of refusing to give up, that’s one of many things that I learned from you. All the times I complained about losing a girlfriend, a car, even my Condo and wanted to have a ‘pity party’, to just ‘pack it in’, to just get drunk and more or less just bail on life, you had a very subtle way of letting me know that quitting wasn’t even an option. That every problem that I looked at as being so insurmountable was merely just another bump on the road of life. Another chance to gain a bit of experience.