Random Ramblings Of A BlogAholic » Goals

Ummm, I THINK I Can Help You Over Here!

Bryan — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 21:54:24 +0000

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE? I just can’t figure this out! Seems like every time I turn on the TV, another Bank has been robbed. Or at least another ‘attempted’ robbery. Seems like most of them don’t get away with it and those that do make it out the door end up with a bag full of blue dye.

Now, I realize that times are tough and people have to do what they have to do to survive. Please don’t take this the wrong way, I’m in NO WAY condoning ANY type of illegal activity. Not whatsoever. In fact I couldn’t be more against it.

I’m ‘old’school’ in my thinking and I believe we all have to work for what we get in life. And the harder we work, the more money we make. Or at least that’s how it should be anyway.

Our Country was founded on this principal and I believe that’s what has helped to create the Superpower that we are today. Well, that we were at one time. Not too sure where we stand in the ‘global’ scheme of things these days but I’m sure you understand what I’m trying to say.

But hard work seems to have been replaced by taking the easy way out. How can I get the most for doing the least. The world ‘owes me’, now gimme mine! And no doubt that type of mentality is going to be our demise.

Which brings me back to all these Bank robberies. There probably aren’t as many attempts as it appears, due to the vast amount of Banks that are out there in relation to the amount of attempts, yet they always seem to make headlines. Whether it be in print or online, there’s no shortage of ‘bad guys’ lookin’ for a ‘free ride’.

This got me to thinkin’. I know, uh oh, there he goes thinkin’ again. This COULD be dangerous! No really, this is starting to bug me. Recession or no recession, there’s just no excuse for stupidity. If you’re going to do anything in life, do it right the FIRST time.

I don’t know about you but I can’t EVER recall walking in to a Bank, completely avoiding the ‘mini~maze’ that guides you to the Teller windows [yeah, the one with the huge sign that says ENTER HERE!], proceeding to walk straight up to one of the Tellers that is just waiting for you with open arms and saying “Gimme ALL Your Money, NOW!”

First off, seems to me like just as soon as you walk in the Branch, someone, whether it’s a Guard or somebody in New Accounts will make eye contact and smile. I always like to smile back, it makes for a better day.

Next obstacle is the Maze, a series of ‘twists and turns’, designed to create some semblance of ‘uniformity’ and to guide you to where you REALLY wanna go.

Not that it hasn’t happened but it’s very rare, like one out of every forty times, that this maze is empty. Like I mentioned, extremely rare. Yet even on those special occasions, I STILL do as the sign tells me and I begin my journey at the entrance to the maze.

Don’t get me started on those ‘rule breakers’ that, once they’ve taken care of their banking, INSIST on walking backwards through the maze. What are they thinking, don’t they KNOW they are breaking the rules? Apparently not or they wouldn’t do it in the first place, right? Actually I’m not too sure but it definitely makes no sense to me. Perhaps they like to live life ‘on the edge’.

So chances are, once you get to the ‘line up’, there will be at the very least one or two people in front of you. More than likely there will be many more than that but let’s just assume that you won’t be the only person waiting for a Teller.

Some people filling out Deposit slips, others scratching out there info on a Withdrawl slip, HOPING that they will have sufficient funds to complete the transaction. Some even on their Cell Phones, trying to look important, in an effort to make the Tellers hurry up. Good luck with THAT one.

Of those making withdrawls, most of these people need a different amount of money than what the ATM has to offer. And if you’re at all like me, you’ve had those times where you needed cash but your account balance showed less than $20. Yep, I said it. LESS than the $20 minimum and NO, I’m not proud of that statement.

That’s when you HAVE to take the ‘walk of shame’, going inside the Branch and asking for your $18. But you need a balance of at least $10 just to keep your account open. Then it’s decision time.

With about forty eyes staring at you from the lineup in the maze, burning holes in the back of your head, PRESSURING you to HURRY UP and make up your mind so they can complete their transactions and get back to their day, you HAVE to make a split second decision. ‘On the fly’ no less because you surely weren’t prepared to make such a ‘life altering’ decision when you walked in the door.

Hmmm, should I take out $8 and keep my account open or just say screw it, take the entire $18 out and close it down? But if you close your account, won’t that mean you’ll have to fill out a bunch of extra paperwork? Oh, the anxiety.

That in itself could take even longer than YOU planned. But what the hell is $8 gonna buy you? One trip to the Jack in the Box ‘Dollar Menu’ and that pretty much blows you’re wad. YIKES, What SHOULD I Do? Just thinkin’ about this is stressing me out, I gotta move on.

OK, so you’re finally at the front of the line. So close you can almost read the names on the little ‘signs’ next to each Teller window. Out of the thirty eight teller windows available, only three are open. Why is that?

Where the hell is Denise, Becky, Sherrie, Lisa, Tanya, Robin, Shaniqua, Melissa, Terri, Carla, Justine, Ricki, Charlene, Dustin, Christy, Yolanda, Shana, Missy, Barbara, Deborah, Mary, Joshua, Katherine, Brandi and all the other ‘missing peeps’. Why aren’t they at work? Don’t they realize I’m in a hurry? I’ve got places to go, things to do, people to meet! I’ve got to get on with my day. Jeez, if you’re not gonna show up for work at least have the courtesy to take your sign down the night before. It just looks tacky, you and your time off, rubbin’ it in our faces. Why must you mock us?

That’s about the time that I see IT! The giant HD Big Screen TV monitor, seemingly staring at me. Actually, it’s difficult to avoid looking at it since it’s right in front of you, staring back at you.

Hmmm, that guy looks kinda familiar. I’m not the least bit into guys but he’s kinda handsome, a bit rugged lookin’. Perhaps he’s a GQ Model? He looks a bit like me but 20lbs. heavier. Wait a minute, that IS ME! That’s ME staring at me! But from a completely different angle. How can that be?

Then it dawns on me that I’m being filmed by some kinda ‘Nanny Cam’, probably in the ceiling or something. That answers the question about the weird angle. Jeez, I feel like I’m at the local Indian Casino, about to lose my last dollar on some ‘rigged’ game of Blackjack.

Wow, until now I never thought about the similarities between the two establishments, the Bank and the Casino. Taking out my last dollar, about to throw it away. ON CAMERA! Not good.

And I sure hope I wasn’t cussing out loud about all the truant employees, they’d have it on file. I’d sure hate to have them treat me differently after viewing the footage, that would truly be a shame.

“Ummm, I Can Help You Over Here!” A bit startled, I’m faintly aware of a voice coming from somewhere far off in the distance. I look around and then I see IT. Scanning the entire counter, spanning just about the same distance as the front straightaway at the Indy 500, down near the end I can barely make out a slight movement above the counter top. Is that a Hummingbird? Nope, it’s the Tellers hand waving to me, signaling me to head in her direction.

Can’t really see any more than her hand, especially from this distance. The Teller ‘wall’ is kinda tall so it makes it difficult to actually see anybody until you’re directly in line with the window. So I begin the long walk, kinda like in the movie Nine Mile and I start to hear the crowd in the maze chanting Dead Man Walkin’ and…ooops, gettin’ a bit side tracked.

Finally, face to face with the Teller. Such a beautiful smile, perfect for a Teller. Looking at her ‘sign’, I break the ice with a “Hi Brittney, how are you today?” Of course, as I’m saying this I’m just hoping that she’s working at her own station and not somebody elses. That would really be embarassing if I called her by the wrong name.

“Please swipe your card.” Well, I guess that’s about it for the idle chit chat. She’s got a job to do and she wants to get it done. No BS’n around today. Which is more than fine with me. After being in line for what seems like forever, I’m about ready to get this whole thing over with because by now it’s just about lunch time and there’s bound to be a huge lineup in the Drive Thru at Jack in the Box!

With the transaction completed, I begin heading for the front door. Why is it that they have everything so blocked off that you’re forced to walk by all of the angry people still waiting in the maze, dying to get to the ‘cheese’? Cruel I tell ya’, just down right cruel.

Getting back in my car, I can’t help but reflect a bit on this mornings ‘experience’. This whole banking ‘thing’ seems rather ridiculous at this point. Isn’t it MY MONEY? Last time I checked it was anyway. If so, then why the hell is it so hard to get it back in my pocket? I could go on and on about this but I won’t. That’s an entirely different story, one I’ll save for later.

Finally, made it to Jack in the Box. Jeez, I’m starving, can’t wait to get me some food. What the heck is this, another lineup? You gotta be kidding me! It’s not even lunch time yet. Good thing I got out of the Bank so quickly, any later and this line could have really been bad.

As I stared at the “If you can read this, YOU’RE TOO CLOSE!” bumper sticker on the minivan in front of me, I began to think about all the people waiting in the Drive Thru in front of me. Then I noticed the ‘Mi Familia’ stickers on the back window. You know which ones I’m talking about, the little ‘cut outs’ that show the entire family, right down to the dog.

Yikes, there’s Papi, Mami and about fourteen kids. Oh, and their dog Pepe’. I sure hope they aren’t ordering for the entire family AND the dog, that could take forever. Oh well, I guess I should be grateful that I made it this far. I mean, there could have been some friggin’ idiot tryin’ to rob the bank at the same time I was in there so in essence, I’m pretty lucky.

Which got me to thinkin’ about the Bank again. And the fools that try to pull off these heists. I guess what intrigues me the most is how on earth are these so called ‘Bank Robbers’ getting through the maze and up to the Teller windows without being spotted? I mean c’mon, they don’t seem to posess a whole lot of creativity, not to mention zero individuality.

It’s as if they all bought BANK ROBBERY FOR DUMMIES, glanced over Chapter One on How to dress properly for the occasion, then got so excited that they didn’t read any further before they ran to the Bank to test out all of their newly discovered knowledge. All of them seem to exude such a high degree of stupidity, it amazes me that so many of them make it as far along in the process as they do.

It’s hard enough for us ‘regular’ folks to get to the Teller window, how in the heck are THEY making it with such apparent ease? Especially when they are wearing some of the most ridiculous disguises ever conceived.

Just a quick heads up to all the Bank Managers and Tellers out there. When you see a guy [or gal] walk in the front door wearing a Baseball Hat and Sunglasses, there’s a pretty good chance that they’re up to no good and you might want to think about keeping an eye on them. Perhaps even put your hand on the secret button, just in case. I don’t know, it’s just a thought.

And is it just me or is this THE most popular Bank Robber ‘outfit’ out there? Running a close second has to be the ‘Hoodie’ with the bandana around the neck. After that, you’re pretty much in the ‘Ex Presidents Mask’ Category and at that point, it’s pretty obvious that you’re not there to make a Deposit. No doubt it’s going to be an Illegal Withdrawl and things are gonna get ugly real quick!

A bit startled, I hear “My name is Felicia, would you like to try our new Jackalicious Jackburger Combo Meal Supremo for only $14.99?” I’m thinkin’ jeez, for that price it better come with a Lobster Tail. And butter.

Somewhat stunned, I mutter “Uh, no thank you, I can’t really afford that. Can I just get two Chicken Sandwiches, small Fries and a small Diet Coke?” To which she replies, “OK, so that’s two Chicken Neckwiches, Le Mini Fries and a Dixie Cup Size Diet Coke? That’ll be $17.88 at the first window. Please pull forward!“

Dang, that seems expensive! Maybe I SHOULD have gotten the Jackalicious Jackburger Combo after all. Too late now, I’ve already ordered and I sure as heck ain’t gonna try and back up. Too many people in line behind me. Man, if these prices keep goin’ up, I’m gonna have to rob a Bank!

If You’re Gonna Dream…. DREAM BIG!

Bryan — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 01:16:23 +0000

FINALLY! And I gotta say, it’s about time. I was beginning to wonder if it would EVER happen again but fortunately for me, it did. After all the time I spent searching for it, I finally found that ‘spark’ again, that elusive ‘trigger’ that would reignite the fire within me. The ‘fuel’ necessary to keep the dream alive, allowing me to remain focused on achieving my goals. I found my WHY.

Yes, my WHY. Now, while that might sound crazy to some, I’m sure others can most definitely relate. We all need a reason. A reason to get out of bed in the morning, to go to work each day, to continue to struggle through the most difficult of times. A reason to persevere, to challenge anything and everything put in our paths, attempting to keep us from accomplishing our goals. Our reason why.

I don’t believe it is something that can be ‘manufactured’, it has to come from deep within us. A place that even we can’t manipulate. It has to be part of our heart, our soul, our true inner being. An invisible force propelling us forward, pushing us to break down any walls standing in our way.

It could be as simple as Fear. Fear of failure, a fear of commitment, even a fear of actually achieving your goal and wondering what lies ahead after that, whatever your fears may be, it takes a serious and dedicated commitment to conquer your fears and to remain focused on your goals.

Passion is also a huge part of the equation, an excellent reason why. When you’re passionate about something, don’t you feel as if you will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to make it happen? I know I sure do. If I’m passionate about it, I go at it full bore where as if I’m kinda ‘on the fence’ about it, I do what it takes to get it done but for the most part, not much more than that. Without passion, our ‘why’ doesn’t really stand a chance of survival.

That’s not to say that I won’t do a good job because I will. I don’t know the meaning of ‘half ass’, it’s not in my vocabulary. It’s not my nature to only do what’s necessary to ‘get by’. But with that being said, I also know that if I’m following my dreams, chasing something that I’m passionate about, then I go at it with a much stronger effort, giving it 150% of my time and effort until I’ve knocked it out of the ballpark. With passion comes a constant reminder of why.

I’m willing to bet that this is the same for most people. Of course there are those that are basically just ‘time milkers’ and they prefer to live their lives just getting by. Where good enough is good enough, why do anything ‘extra’? That is SO not me, not my way of thinking at all. I feel that true effort should have its own rewards. The more effort you put in to something, the more you get in return.

Doesn’t have to be a tangible ‘thing’, just a good feeling inside from a job well done. Or even knowing that you have helped someone else, that too can give you a feeling of satisfaction, another good reason ‘why’ that a job done ‘half way’ could never hope to provide.

So how do we go about discovering what truly motivates us, what it is that drives us to go above and beyond the call of duty, to do whatever it takes to accomplish our goals? A reason why? I feel that’s a very ‘individualistic’ thing and only we ourselves will know where our motivation lies.

For some of us, it’s family. Knowing that we have loved ones that need our love and support will give us the ‘never give up’ attitude that is critical to make it in todays world. For others, it could be personal growth that fuels our fire. And still for some, it might be as simple as money. Not to say that obtaining money is simple, it’s just that if you can narrow it down to a basic driving force, it will really help you to remain focused.

In fact, if your goal is to make a ton of money, it might help to have a good idea of exactly what it is that you’ll do with all your money once you have it. Why are you going to make all this money anyway? To provide for your family, friends, a new home, a car, a boat, something to that effect. Narrowing down your focus will help you to remain on the straight and narrow. Surely there will be bumps in the road, you can bet on it and you’ll want to continue moving forward despite the obstacles you’re likely to experience.

This is where I’ve been struggling so much over the last couple years. As I have continued to fall from the tallest sky scraper around, losing everything I ever owned [and more], not only have I lost all my ‘stuff’ but I’ve also lost all of my desire. My motivation, my passion, my reason for living, all of these driving forces have pretty much been erased from my memory and replaced by a ton of woulda coulda shouldas, all surrounded by lots of negativity. Most definitely not the best set of circumstances for a person attempting to ‘restart’ their life, that’s for sure.

And to be honest, it’s been a bit nerve racking to say the least. Losing your MOJO is very daunting. It’s not like you can go to the ‘MOJO Store’ and pick up a twelve pack of MOJO Juice and suddenly find all of your inspiration again. As I’ve come to learn, motivation doesn’t come in a bottle or a can. Dang it, sure wish it did. Things would be so much easier.

How does that saying go again? Inspiration, combined with Perspiration equals Motivation? Something like that. Anyway, I’m sure you get the point. It requires some form of action but action alone is not enough to keep you on the right track, to remain disciplined enough to keep going.

You have to have passion and that’s the part that scared me the most. I’d lost my passion and I had no idea how or IF I was ever gonna find it again. While I still had some of the same likes and dislikes, none of them seemed to hold enough ooomph for me to chase after them. As I mentioned earlier, I had pretty much gotten to the point that I didn’t really care whether or not I even got out of bed. EVER.

Heck, why would I? Nothing much going on, might as well lay here all day. Even the fact that I was more than likely gonna be livin’ in the back of my Honda Pilot [at least until they repo'd that as well] in the near future didn’t seem to be enough of a ‘spark’ to get me going. I don’t like to talk or think about giving up but to be honest, I came very close a few times to just sayin’ forget it and packin’ it in.

I started to envision myself as one of those guys standing on the freeway offramp, cardboard sign in hand. I’ve heard those guys make pretty good money so it wasn’t like I was TOTALLY giving up on everything, just 94% of me was throwin’ in the towel.

If it wasn’t for my dear friend Annabelle, I probably would have already given up but she wouldn’t let me. She always had such a way of putting things into perspective, showing me what was truly important and what was BS. I miss her more than words can even describe, she meant more to me than I could ever tell her. I wish she was here now so I could let her know that I think I finally found it. I finally found my why.

Sure, some people might consider me to be extremely superficial, saying that I’m out to impress other people, worried about keeping up with the Jones’ or even worse, attempting to cure a midlife crisis. All of these couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m in search of whatever it is that will make me happy again. That ‘something’ that will give me the answer to my why.

And to those that say “It’s just a car”, that would be like me saying “It’s just a family.” I’m not here to tell you your WHY is or isn’t any less important than mine is, it’s just different but as long as you find one, that’s all that matters.

I have to admit that finding true love WAS my main driving force in life. I quit drinking about four years ago in an effort to find the love of my life but that has turned out to be a complete disaster and so at this point I have more or less come to the conclusion that I am meant to be alone forever and like it or not, I better just get used to it. Not that I’m ‘giving up’, more like I’m ‘giving in’. Sometimes you have to know when to let it go.

After losing my Condo, along with another couple properties, I’m in no hurry to have another mortgage to deal with so even if I could afford it, I highly doubt I’d buy any property again. I wouldn’t mind having a rental property or two but besides that, no ‘mortgage stress’ is just fine with me.

So what’s left? What is it gonna take to get me fired up and motivated again. Travel? Another big dream I have is to travel the world, to explore the U.K., Europe, Australia, every exotic beach on the map. But is that enough of a driving force? Traveling alone isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and so that dream has lost a bit of its sparkle. Not that I don’t want to see the world, it’s just that it’s not as high on my list as it once was.

Jeez, no wonder I’ve been having so much trouble getting stoked on life again, my list is just about empty. It’s all starting to make sense to me now. If I was reading this Post about somebody elses life, I’d say they had every right to just pack it in and start looking for a spot on the sidewalk to set up their ‘Cardboard Condo’.

Unfortunately, this is MY story and so I have to deal with it. No other option. After whittling down my list of reasons to move forward, searching for my why, knowing full well that there are only a few other things in life that I’m passionate about, it’s come down to getting the car of my dreams.

Yep, a car. Now, I know most of you are saying “What is he thinkin’, a car? What kind of motivation is that?” I know, anybody can buy a car, no big deal. Well, I’ve been a ‘car guy’ forever, way before I even had a Drivers License. From day one I’ve loved foreign cars. BMWs and Porsches were my ‘thing’. Someday, someday, I continually told myself throughout the years but it wasn’t until about two years ago that the ‘dream’ finally came true. Better late than never I always say.

But along with everything else I lost, no doubt that losing my BMW hurt me the most. Property is one thing, losing ‘my dream’ was another thing entirely. Had to jump through some major hoops to get it and to see it leave, without me behind the wheel is something that I doubt I will ever forget. At least not any time soon.

Along with the ‘car’, I lost what little bit remained of my desire. My desire to succeed. After all, my dreams came to an end. What am I supposed to do after that, invent a ‘new’ dream? As I would come to learn, that wouldn’t exactly be too easy. How do you replace a dream you’ve had for 30 years? Especially one that manifested itself into fifty times better than anything I could have ever hoped it would be.

But replace it I must. Otherwise I’m destined for a life of zero. A life of nothing. Which really isn’t my style at all. I’m not here to merely survive, I’d much rather strive to thrive. To do my best despite my surroundings. All I need is a reason, a reason why.

I’ve always been into Antiques and Collectibles, I love things that are old, untouched and original. The number one rule in the Collectible World is “Rare is where it’s at” and I feel that way about most everything. If it’s very limited production, the only one in existence, that type of thing, then I get super excited about it.

So last Saturday I decided to pay a visit to the “Dream Store”, otherwise known as the Porsche Dealership. I’ll be the first to say that I HATE going to Car Dealerships of any kind. Just as soon as you set foot on the Lot, they are on you, wanting you to sign your life away on the dotted line. Although I have to admit it’s much better nowadays, with all the info available on the Internet they know that buyers are not the ‘sitting ducks’ they once were and the Salesmen [and Saleswomen] can’t really shoot fish in a barrel any more.

As I walked over to the new Panamera, anxious to see one in ‘real life’, I was pleasantly surprised at how nice it was. While Porsche is known world wide for their World Class Craftsmanship, it’s taken me some time to get used to a four door 911 Porsche but I won’t hesitate to say it was damn nice. The interior was absolutely stunning and if I had a spare $150K and I was in the market for a four door sports car, I wouldn’t hesitate to look closer at one.

“Can I help you?” Uh oh, here comes the Sales guy and he’s looking at me like a sitting duck! “Oh, that’s ok. I just wanted to check the Panamera out for myself. I’ve read so much about them, I wanted to see one in real life.”

We talked for a bit and I found out that this Sales guy was actually pretty cool. Not your typical Dealer Dude, that’s for sure. No high pressure BS, just good info in a relaxed conversation. And as we got to talking, I asked the question that I had really come there to ask in the first place. The MAIN reason for my visit. Have to admit I was surprised by his answer. Very surprised.

“Do you plan on getting a 2010 GT3RS in any time soon?” There, I said it. The only car on my mind for the last couple years, if not longer and to see one ‘in the flesh’ would be a dream come true. Just like the 2007′s & ’08′s, of which there were only a total of 200 produced for the North American Market [including the fifteen that went to Canada], the 2010 GT3RS is limited to three per Dealership. They just started arriving in this country about two weeks ago and I’ve only heard about one up to this point, at a Dealership in Northern Calif. and they wanted $40K over sticker price. That’s one hell of a mark~up in my book.

As it turned out, the guy that bought the RS got it for $20K over Sticker because he had just spent $150K two weeks before on a new Panamera. I won’t go into the fact that he drove the RS off the showroom floor and immediately to a local ‘Go Fast Shop’ to have some modifications done to it. Not sure I’d have the guts to modify one of the most incredible cars in the world, especially when it’s BRAND NEW! Just above is a picture of Fred as he drove his new GT3RS off the Showroom floor and just below that is his car after the changes. Painted the wheels and trim pieces black, changed the stickers, modified the exhaust system among many other changes. Must be nice to have money like that.

To which the Salesman replied, “We just sold a new 2010 GT3RS earlier in the week. The buyer used his Orange 2008 GT3RS as a ‘trade in’. It’s sitting on the Showroom Floor if you want to take a look at it.” “IF I WANT TO TAKE A LOOK AT IT?” I did my best not to RUN inside but I’d have to think he had a pretty good idea that I was interested in seeing it. You just don’t find these sitting on the Showroom Floor of your local Dealership. Most were purchased by Collectors and rarely for sale.

As I got closer to the large glass doors, I could see the orange reflection bouncing off of the other ten Porsches on the floor along with every other reflective surface near by. And then, there IT was. The Magic Pumpkin. I’m not a diehard fan of Orange but knowing full well that even when you’re rich, you don’t have a whole lot of choices when it comes to color, I’d be more than ecstatic to own this dream machine.

They were available in Orange, a unique shade of Green, an exotic looking Black and a light Silver. A very rare few were ‘special ordered’ in White and of course, with White being my favorite color for a car, if I could have my choice, I’d pick White for sure. And with the Ceramic Brakes and Yellow calipers, you’d have one of the rarest RS’s out there. Now THAT’S what I would call a dream come true.

Once I managed to roll my tongue up off the floor and back into my mouth, which enabled me to speak again, I asked a few more questions which lead to “Mind if I sit in it?” Fortunately for me he replied with an “Of course not, go ahead.” And with that, I adjusted the seat to my liking and made myself comfy. With the closing of the door, I knew I was home.

Alcantara Heaven, this leather filled dream machine sucked me in and I never wanted to leave. With only nine thousand miles, this baby is like brand new. And as hard as it was to believe, it looked like it was taken care of by someone that was as ‘detail crazy’ as I am, which was just icing on the cake.

Turns out it was owned by a guy that races RS Porsches just like it, professionally. Jeez, I guess when you drive one on the weekends, you need one for the weekdays. Sounds like one hell of a plan.

“Want me to take your picture?” “Heck Yeah!” So I hand him my iPhone and mumble a few instuctions. That was about the best I could do at that point considering how dizzy I was and all. After the ‘photoshoot’, I continued to stare at everything I could inside the car, wanting to absorb every little bit of the experience.

Right down to the deviating color of the stitching on the leather on the dash, seats, pretty much everywhere, this baby was full of options. Even had the original window sticker laying on the dash and as I glanced at it, trying to add it all up in my head as fast as I could, I realized the guy paid at least $150K for it back in ’08. Now THAT’S alot of money in anybodys book.

As I came back to reality, I reluctantly opened the door, proceeded to say goodbye to my ‘leather cocoon’ [for now] and stepped out of the car. I continued to take some pics of the outside of the car. While not wanting to look like a total dreamer, I knew this was a special occasion and wanted to take in as much of it as I could.

It’s priced right in line with the few others that are currently available throughout the Country at $125K, which might seem like a lot of money but considering that the 2010 GT3RS cost this guy right about $200K by the time he left the Dealership, $125K doesn’t look so bad!

I said my goodbyes and a big thank you for the experience. Again, not wanting to look like a ‘poser’ I did my best to contain myself but no doubt I left there a changed person. Changed for the better. I finally found my WHY and I couldn’t have been happier. Well, that’s not exactly true. I would have been MUCH happier had I been driving it off the showroom floor.

All the way home, I found myself going over all kinds of scenarios in my head. Different ways that I could some way come up with the money to make this happen. Yeah, it’s gonna take some time and a bunch of hard work but it IS possible. Anything’s possible! Why is it that the things that turn me on are always so damn expensive? Just my luck I guess. I don’t like them because they cost a lot of money, I like them because I like them. Period. It’s not MY fault they cost a flippin’ fortune!

To be honest, I really don’t care what it costs. I’m just so grateful to have finally found a reason to get out of bed in the morning, to work hard, to strive to thrive. To me, it’s priceless. This won’t completely erase the fact that I won’t have a woman to cruise around in it with me BUT I have a strong feeling I’ll be having such a good time that I probably won’t even notice I’m alone.

And if you happen to see a White GT3RS with the Vanity Plate “MY~WHY”, go ahead and wave. Chances are I’ll pull over and give you a ride. Who knows, you just might find YOUR WHY while we’re haulin’ a$$ around town!

Deep Down I’m Still A ToysRus Kid!

Bryan — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 20:01:32 +0000

Grow Up? Who, Me?? Not likely. At least not anytime soon. Sorry to say but growing up is right up there with getting old and neither one are in my immediate future. At least not if I can help it anyway.

Recently I was over at a buddy of mines house, a friend I haven’t seen in about three years. We were hangin’ out, BS’n about BS. You know, the usual. Inside the garage sat his recently purchased Harley Davidson, a bike he had wanted for quite some time. Needless to say I was super happy for him.

It’s a sweet bike with all the accessories anybody could want. As I looked it over, one thing that really grabbed my attention was the license plate frame. I’ve been into Cars and Motorcycles of all types from as far back as I can remember so no doubt I could easily appreciate a bike as nice as this one. But for some reason it was the license plate frame that stood out the most.

At first it didn’t strike me as all that odd. After all, during the last few years I’d seen this ‘saying’ plastered all over. Whether it be T~Shirts, Coffee Mugs, Window Stickers and yes, License Plate Frames, I’ve seen it everywhere. I’m sure most of you have as well.

As I mentioned, I’ve been involved with antique and collectible cars for quite awhile, mainly Woodies and you see tons of this stuff at all of the Woodie Events. The Woodie crowd spans quite a few generations, so no big surprises there. Never thought too much about it, one way or another.

Although as far as I’m concerned, I never really felt like I could relate to it. While I was fully aware of what it meant, I just never felt that it applied to me whatsoever. At least not in the same way that many others seem to be able to relate. Definitely not on my ‘wavelength’, that’s for sure.

Not to sound too harsh but it’s great for the ‘older’ crowd but surely no one from ‘MY’ generation would nor in my opinion should ever be caught displaying anything of this sort on their Woodie, let alone on their body or anywhere else. It’s an ego booster of sorts for the older folks but not anybody my age.

Yet here I was, standing ten feet from my buddies Harley and there IT was, seemingly mocking me. Like staring into the blazing inferno known as the Sun, it hurt to look at it yet I found it nearly impossible to look away. It had me under it’s spell and I couldn’t figure out why. No flashing lights, no Disco Ball, nothing whatsoever to really draw ones attention to it. Yet there it was, proudly displayed for all to see. Only about five inches by about eight inches or so, not like a giant Billboard on the side of the freeway. Yet, judging by it’s impact on me, it might as well have been. In small, one inch high letters, for all to see, it read “OLD GUYS RULE!” WTF???

I say proudly because he keeps his bike super clean and I’d be shocked if there was anything mounted anywhere on this bike the he didn’t feel was a reflection of his personality. From the full fairing with lowers right back to the saddle bags, this baby was meant to be a comfortable ride and ride it he does.

Weird then how the first thought that popped into my head was that this must be his Dads bike. Only one problem, his Dad doesn’t live in San Diego and he surely would never leave it at his sons house anyway. His Dad loves to ride, so he’d have his bike with him at all times. Nope, this HAS to be the Harley that I’d heard about him buying a few months ago. The one he picked out himself, his “Baby”.

So, what gives? How in the hell could he have something like this on his cycle? If it wasn’t meant to be there, perhaps from a previous owner or something of that sort, he sure as heck would have already taken it off and if I had anything to say about it, it would have gone straight in the trash.

After all, he’s only a year or so older than I am. Matter of fact, we both graduated from High School the same year so I’m havin’ all kinds of trouble wrapping my head around what I’m seeing. Who’s out of touch with reality here, him or me?

While I openly admit I’ve always had ‘trouble’ with age, especially mine, this was definitely something I wasn’t prepared for. Yes, as time goes by we all get older. But exactly when are you supposed to consider yourself an ‘old guy’? I guess if someone is younger than you are, hopefully quite a few years younger than you are, then perhaps they can look at you as an ‘old guy’ but when you’re the one calling yourself an old guy, that’s when it gets weird. It does for me anyway.

Kinda like the first time somebody calls you ‘Sir’. “Excuse me SIR.” “Can I help you SIR?” “Right this way, SIR!” Talk about sending shivers up your spine. Not the warm ‘n’ fuzzy kind of tingles either. More like Edward Scissorhands relentlessly dragging his ‘scissors’ across a chalkboard. YIKES!!!

My mind raced, not knowing whether or not I should even bring it up. How on earth could he consider himself to be an old guy? I did my best to take into consideration the fact that at this point he must weigh over three hundred lbs. and perhaps the fact that he struggles to walk around, not to mention just getting up out of a chair is a workout, might have something to do with his feeling old. Not that I can run a four minute mile or that I go to the gym five days a week but in my opinion I still get around ok. Well, for an old guy anyway.

Could it be just a matter of numbers? At sixteen, you get your Drivers License. At eighteen you’re allowed to vote. At twenty one you’re FINALLY allowed to drink alcohol and at forty nine you’re officially an Old Guy? Not cool, that’s for sure.

You hear people say all the time that age is just a number and you’re only as old as you feel. Now that I think about it, seems like it’s always the older folks that say this, not the younger ones.

When it comes right down to it, I still feel like I’m twenty nine and in actuality, I say that mostly out of guilt because in reality I still feel like I’m twenty three. But it seems wrong for me to even say that. Kinda sounds like I’m being immature and not facing facts. Not facing the fact that I’ve seen forty nine Xmas’, not twenty three.

OK then, who’s out of touch here? Him for throwin’ in the towel early and calling himself an ‘old guy’ or me for not allowing myself to face the reality that in todays world, I just might be an old guy too? Such a dilemma.

My Cousin just turned forty and it brought back a flood of memories, all the thoughts that had gone through my mind when I turned forty. No doubt she was a bit freaked out about it or at least I would imagine she was. Everybody builds it up to be such a major milestone in ones life that it’s pretty much guaranteed to have a huge impact no matter how much you try to go with the flow.

Even though they say that forty is the new thirty, you can’t help but wonder if all the so called ‘fun’ that you had in your twenties and thirties will now be replaced by a never ending downhill slide, grasping at anything you can hang on to before you slide off that huge cliff known as fifty on your way to that giant pit of quicksand known as sixty, slowly sinking your way down to your seventies and beyond. Well, let’s hope you continue on anyway.

I’ve got news for her. As with everything else in life, perception plays a huge part in your outlook and more than ever before, attitude IS everything. It’s entirely up to you. You can choose to be grateful for all you’ve seen, done and accomplished throughout your life or you can choose to wallow in the regrets from all you haven’t. The choice is yours and no one elses. Choose wisely.

As for me, I’m doing my best to let go of my regrets. While I haven’t come close to conquering this issue entirely, I’ve gotten much better at letting go and not continually beating myself up over the choices that I’ve made, both good and bad, throughout my life. After all, I surely can’t change the past and to continue feeling guilty about it doesn’t do me one bit of good. Again, I’m a work in progress.

One of my favorite sayings has always been “When all is said and done, the only regrets we’ll have are the risks we didn’t take” and it really helps me move forward. Not to say that as this pertains to dating and asking women out, I still tend to let the fear of rejection hinder me much more than I’d like it to but overall, I feel I’ve made great strides in this area as well.

I guess what it really boils down to is that he and I are both looking at our age from different vantage points. He’s been working for the same Company pretty much his entire life and it’s paid off in a big way. He’s just about to take early retirement and really looking forward to it. Me on the other hand, I’m the flake that never really stuck with any job longer than I had to and therefore it looks like I’ll be working for quite a few more years. Not that I wouldn’t like to retire early, hit the EZ Button and just cruise through life from here on out but that’s just not in the cards for me.

But I’d have to think that that might have some effect on his perspective on life. He’s lived his life according to the basic ‘schedule of life’ set out by those that came before him. In fact, he did it so well that he’s actually ahead of schedule and I can’t help but give him tons of kudos for a job well done. Obviously I never could have pulled it off, it’s just not ‘me’ to be one of the ‘herd’ so I give him all the credit in the world.

And maybe somewhere on this ‘schedule’, there’s a certain date circled where you officially become an ‘Old Guy’. Again, if there is such a date it’s very apparent that I never got the memo. It’s just as well because had I gotten the memo I surely would have torn it up and thrown it away anyway.

I’ve spent my entire life refusing to allow myself to get old. Marriage, kids, all those types of things were for old people. Definitely not for me. It’s funny though, now that I’m at a point in my life that I’d love to get married and travel the world with my wife, my life partner, she’s seemingly nowhere to be found. Apparently I waited too long. Guess I should have grown up just a little bit sooner.

But that doesn’t mean I intend to allow myself to grow old. Nope, not me. In my opinion the minute you do that, the second you allow yourself to ‘think’ and to ‘feel’ that you’re old, in essence you’ve given up and there’s a rockin’ chair in your immediate future. The way I see it, Fifty is the ‘new’ Thirty! Apparently deep down I’m still a ToysRus Kid because I just don’t wanna grow up.

And if you EVER see me drivin’ down the road with an Old Guys Rule license plate frame, feel free to call the Cops because at that point I’ll more than likely have Alzheimers and I shouldn’t be driving anyway.

If you can relate to not wanting to grow up, let alone to get older, I’d enjoy hearing about it and if you liked this Post, I’d appreciate it if you’d share it with your friends.

I Just Wanna Cash In On My Passion

Bryan — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 18:57:49 +0000

Is that so wrong? Too much to ask? It’s the age old battle, I would assume pretty much since the beginning of time. How can I spend my days (or nights) doing what I love, following my passions as opposed to spending an entire lifetime following the rest of the sheep, herded along the freeways, taking the safe road to nowhere and needless to say not too happy about it?

After all, isn’t working at what you enjoy more or less like not working at all? Wouldn’t you much rather spend your days with a big smile on your face as opposed to a permanent frown? I know I would, that’s for sure.

And when you do something you’re passionate about, you end up with a much nicer end result. Such a wonderful feeling of accomplishment from a job well done. Can you just imagine the feeling of never wanting your day to end because you’re having so much fun? Only to be surpassed by the relentless amount of sleepless nights, laying there, so amped up thinking about all the things you want to accomplish the next day. Heck, who needs an alarm clock when you never actually fall asleep anyway. Hard to imagine lack of sleep being a ‘good thing’ but I guess in this case it would be.

No doubt that’s the life I wanna live. Knowing that tomorrow is going to be even better than today was. Wouldn’t that be the greatest life ever? I’d have to think so.

OK then, now that we know HOW we want our life to be, how do we go about creating the life of our dreams? In essence, how do we cash in on our passion?

First off, we need to identify what it is we are actually passionate about. Basically it comes down to a matter of deciding what it is you’d look forward to waking up and doing every day, rain or shine, regardless of whether or not you were getting paid to do it.

I can name a few things right off the bat. I’ve always had a passion for Antiques & Collectibles. The thrill of the hunt, the rush of the ‘discovery’, the interaction with the current ‘custodian’ as it relates to purchasing the object, overcoming my overwhelming desire to own every rare antiquity on earth & finding a ‘new’ caretaker and lastly, the ‘warm ‘n’ fuzzies’ I get from knowing that my ‘find’ is on it’s way to a new home, increasing the enjoyment of all others that get to view it. And then the process begins again. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose but it never seems to diminish the thrill of the hunt.

Another dream of mine, ever since I wrote my first short story back in Elementary School has been to be a Writer. Most likely fiction but as much as I enjoy writing from my heart, it’s entirely possible that I would also dabble in the non fiction genre a bit. As I’m sure you can tell I’ve never actually taken any writing classes or persued it in any way so perhaps it’s the fact that Stephen King and I share the same birthday (NO, not the same year!) that might have something to do with my passion for writing, I’m not exactly sure. One thing’s for certain though, I really love Blogging and would truly enjoy taking it to another level.

I’d have to say that the third thing on my ‘list’ would be painting Murals. My goal would be to learn how to paint Trompe L’ O’eil, “Trick Of The Eye” Murals for both indoor and outdoor applications. For those unfamiliar with this style of art, in essence it’s creating the realistic feeling of something that although you know darn well it’s not really there, it appears so realistic that you have to question yourself as to what you’re actually looking at.

This can be as simple as a Faux plaster finish on an interior wall, maybe a ‘window’ with a view of the vineyard in the distance all the way up to a giant ‘hole’ in the outside wall of a building, thereby allowing a ‘peek’ inside at the huge Bank vault within, containing all kinds of untold riches.

Of course, all of these scenarios are only limited by ones imagination. Unfortunately, this painting technique requires years of training and as such will have to remain a ways down on my list of ‘wannados’. Right next to scowering the oceans of the world in search of sunken Spanish Gallions and Pirate Ships. I’m so enthralled by the thought of uncovering undiscovered treasures, one of a kind artifacts, things that mere money can’t buy. I get tingles just thinking about it. I guess I have some sort of an Indiana Jones complex.

So with the last two ‘passions’ on my list being a bit out of reach (for now) it’s still entirely possible that I could make a go of the other two. I’m enamored with history and to be able to travel the globe in search of the ‘rarest of the rare’, ‘only one in existence’ type items, with unlimited funding from a long list of interested buyers eagerly anticipating my next ‘find’ would truly be a dream come true. To peruse thousand year old buildings throughout Europe in search of who knows what and learning everything I can about the countries and their cultures would just be icing on the cake. And then to top it off, if I could write about my adventures along the way. My life truly would be a dream come true.

So with all that being said, now comes the difficult part. How do I go about creating this so called ‘dream life’. How do I bridge the ‘gap’ between following my passions, in hopes of making money rather than merely trying to find something that will keep me afloat for now, another ‘quick fix’, regardless of whether or not I enjoy it. No doubt it’s gonna take a huge leap of faith on my part to even remain focused long enough to give it a shot.

Especially in todays turbulent world, it can be very difficult to risk everything (or in my case what little I have left) to take a chance on living a life full of fun & pleasure. Not that there are any guarantees of making money these days by following a safer, risk free path yet it can still be much more dangerous to climb out on the ledge and take a leap of faith, hoping for a smooth landing.

If you’re anything like me, I grew up thinking that work was a necessary evil we were all forced to endure in order to survive. Definitely not something to look forward to, that’s for sure. Anything you wanted to do or enjoyed doing would have to be squeezed in ‘after’ work hours.

Getting over that ‘guilt trip’ is a challenge in itself. Let alone coming up with a way to monetize my passions. It’s no wonder I never attempted this transition to fun and freedom prior to this, it appears to be a road filled with land mines, all of them just waiting to explode.

Should I even allow myself to dream of such a fantasy life, a life of traveling around the world in search of the unknown? An endless list of anxious buyers, eagerly awaiting my latest Blog Post direct from a beautiful white sand beach in Bora Bora, boasting of all my newly found treasures. A life where my biggest problem is where to have these treasures shipped and remembering which bank account in Monaco I want the money to be deposited in. I get the warm ‘n’ fuzzies just thinkin’ about it.

I guess what it truly comes down to is the fact that it’s entirely up to me to change my life. To create the life of my dreams. No one else is gonna do it for me, that’s for sure. In fact I’ve come to realize that mentioning to others about how you plan on changing your life for the better only brings out feelings of animosity and then the negativity begins to flow. “How dare you try to enjoy your life when I’m stuck here at my 9 to 5 job, kids, mortgage, car payments, living paycheck to paycheck and no way out.” At least from those that still have a ‘regular’ job, not exactly a gimme in todays economy.

I’ve always known I wasn’t a 9 to 5er, yet I lived that life for many years. It was a miserable existence and one I’m not eager to go back to. I enjoy Real Estate (at least the way it USED to be) but until the RE Market comes back, not much guaranteed income there either. Hmmmm, what is it then that I’m really risking here? No wife, no kids, no mortgage, maybe there really is no better time than now to give this thing a shot. Why not? Why not cash in on my passion? The only thing stopping me….is me.

I’m evaluating a multi-media course on blogging from the folks at Simpleology. For a while, they’re letting you snag it for free if you post about it on your blog.

It covers:

The best blogging techniques.
How to get traffic to your blog.
How to turn your blog into money.

I’ll let you know what I think once I’ve had a chance to check it out. Meanwhile, go grab yours while it’s still free.

XMAS SUCKS! There…. I Said It!

Bryan — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 19:56:04 +0000

Yep, that’s what I said. Christmas really does suck. Not sure if I’m the only one that feels this way or just the only one with enough guts to say it out loud. And I really can’t say when it all changed but it’s just about the most miserable time of the year for me. Matter of fact, this time of the year has sucked for so long that I can barely remember far enough back to when it didn’t suck.

Strange though, how some of the greatest memories I have are memories of Xmas’ past, yet now I literally dread this time of the year. I can still recall relentlessly shaking every box under the tree, doing my best to figure out just exactly what Santa brought me.

Always hoping for a rattle, clunk or a knock of some sort. At the very least a bit of “weight”, insuring a cool toy. But I can still remember the pain and disappointment of the “quiet” boxes which signalled the impending let down of socks or a sweater. And needless to say I always checked the boxes that were addressed to my sister. Surely I couldn’t have her getting more “rattlers” than I was, right? Right!

When did it all change? When did it take such a horrible turn for the worse? I don’t think it was upon discovering the fact that my parents had been lying to me this entire time. That Santa really didn’t exist and that he was just some made up fantasy. Some commercially driven “Guru” conjured up to guilt people into buying more “stuff”. No, that couldn’t have been it. I was too young to understand any of that and besides, I didn’t see any kind of a drop in my “under the tree box count” once Santa was out of the picture. There had to be more to it.

Perhaps it was when I had to start buying presents for other people, OUT OF MY OWN MONEY! What the heck was that all about? I mean c’mon, wasn’t Christmas all about receiving? As I would come to learn, it wasn’t after all and so I must admit coming to that realization did tarnish things a bit. As I write this, I’m kinda getting the drift that I might have been a bit spoiled back then. Jeez, who’d a thunk it?

It seems as if everyone is having the best time ever, enjoying friends and family and truly getting in to the Holiday spirit. But here I am watching the clock tick by at a snails pace, second after miserable second, just trying to survive until the ball drops somewhere on earth and I can start my New Year.

Originally I had planned on just ending 2009 a month early, getting a jump start on 2010 and bypassing this “season” altogether but I was hit with some devastating news around the end of November which left me in a total funk for the last few weeks. So I have no other option than to suffer through ’till the New Year.

To make things even worse, I can remember saying pretty much these same words last year at this time and promising myself that 2009 was gonna be different. It was going to be the year that everything changed for me, I got my life back on track and things started to go good for a change. Nope, never happened.

Do I dare give it another shot? Another attempt to make 2010 a great year? I’m not stupid enough to say that ’10 couldn’t be worse than ’09 because as we all know, things can always be worse and just as soon as you utter those words, they will become reality. Therefore, I won’t waste my time on the negative energy.

And yes, I know all about being grateful for what we have, not complaining about what we don’t have. It’s just that after another twelve months have flown by and I’m in even worse shape than I was at this time last year, the positive side of things is just a bit harder to find. Seems much further away, somewhere off in the distance. Matter of fact, kinda hard to see it at all now that most of the “shine” has been tarnished. Not even sure a 55 gallon drum of TARN-X could save them now. All those hopes, dreams and goals washed away.

Speaking of goals, what happened to all those goals that I had? All those dreams I had planned on coming true. I’ll be the first to admit that I hate playing the blame game but in this case I pretty much have to. Sure, it would be nice to say that “this” happened or “that” went wrong because of so and so but when it comes right down to it, there’s really nobody to blame but me. Yikes, that’s not exactly a great realization to come to. But the truth hurts and all the blame surely falls on me.

When it comes right down to it, nobody is going to change my life but me. Sure, things are gonna happen that force me to change my plans every so often and I’ll need to adjust my goals accordingly but that’s still no excuse for an entire year passing me by with nothing to show for it.

Were my goals too lofty, did I set the bar too high? I’d have to think not. I think it’s more along the lines of not taking enough action, not staying laser focused on what I wanted to accomplish, refusing to let anything stop me until I achieved them. Here again, the blame surely lies with me.

So here we are, with the end of 2009 drawing near. Do I dare make another list of goals and dreams? How can I not? I mean, isn’t that what this time of the year is all about? Trying to make your life better and not repeating the same mistakes you made the year before. And so with that I guess my first goal for 2010 is to make sure next Christmas doesn’t suck. I don’t want to have to look back at this post, change a couple numbers and copy and paste it to my blog. Nope, 2010 is going to be better. I just know it.

Add It To THE LIST!

Bryan — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 22:46:38 +0000

What is that saying again? A thought without action is just a dream? Something like that. Well, that truly seems to fit me perfectly. Lately anyway. Well, now that I think about it, for quite some time now I have had lots of trouble getting anything accomplished. While my mantra had always been, “Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?”, I had hoped to change that aspect of my personality. I’m sure there are others out there like myself. Oh, you know who you are. So many dreams, too much time. Paralysis by Analysis. The list goes on and on. I’m sure there is a bit of procrastinator in all of us.

Don’t get me wrong, this is surely not something that I am in any way proud of but as with any flaw, be it physical, emotional or otherwise, the only way to overcome and to get beyond it, in essence to recover from it is to first admit that there is a problem. Only then can it be conquered. Once and for all.

Where to begin? I’ve known that I’ve suffered from this ailment for quite some time but for some strange reason I just assumed it would disappear on its own. Yet it hasn’t. Go figure. Naturally I thought some kind of selective Mind Magic would just unprogram it from my brain and I would instantly run around getting all kinds of stuff accomplished. Yet, here we are, nearing the end of 2009 with no sign of a ‘dethroning’ in the near future. The King of Procrastination is alive and well. Unfortunately, he is me.

Not that I wouldn’t like to give up the throne, to crown a new King. Oh, how I would enjoy that but it’s not exactly as easy as one might think. Turns out there are many others equally as qualified as I am, yet they continue to procrastinate and never step up to assume this glorious position of power. Perhaps someone will in the near future but more than likely not. Only time will tell.

Time. It’s one of our most, if not THE most precious resource we have. One that we can never get back. Once it’s gone, it’s gone forever, never to return. Strange isn’t it, how we continue to waste it as if it’s a renewable commodity that will never end. Unfortunately, as far as I know, that is surely not the case. We only have one life to live. This isn’t a practice run, a dress rehearsal. This is it, the real deal, good or bad, for better or worse. This is the only chance we have to make it happen, to live the life we want, the life of our dreams.

Why is it then that we continue to put things off, excuse after excuse, merely to stay in our ‘comfort zone’? If your comfort zone is anything like mine, in actuality when you really think about it, it pretty much sucks. Worst part is that even though I know mine sucks, it’s still a place I like to hang out because for the most part I have a really good idea of what’s there and I guess that’s what makes it so comfy. Add to that the fact that it’s chock full of all kinds of excuses and who in their right mind would ever want to leave such a fabulous place? Well, I for one. I’m sick and tired….of being sick and tired.

All of the changes that I had planned on making after 2008, which up to that point in my life had been one of the worst years on record, have definitely not even begun to materialize. Not in the slightest and while I truly believed that with all the devastation of that year, 2009 just HAD to be better but in fact it turned out to be even worse than ’08. Now that’s saying alot and none of it good.

So with ’09 coming to a close I’m being forced to ask myself how could this have ever happened? With ’08 being so miserable, how did I not learn from that? I was without a doubt going to do everything in my power to make ’09 so much better. Why then didn’t all my scheduled ‘changes’ take place? After all, they were on my List of things to do. Some of them were even labeled Top Priority! You know, The List. The list that for some reason continues to get longer rather than shorter. Check one thing off, add two, check another off, add two more in it’s place.

Hmmm, I think I’m beginning to see a pattern here. No wonder any feelings of accomplishment that might possibly occur are quickly wiped away by the vast amounts of Post Its strewn about my desk and the surrounding walls. Ok, also the ones on the bathroom mirrors, refridgerator doors, car dashboards, you get the picture. Next thing you know, you’re swimming in a sea of ‘post its’ wondering how in the hell am I ever going to tackle all this stuff? And so at that point you have no option other than to just hop on the EZ Train. Next stop, the Comfy Zone! Overwhelmed with Paralysis by Analysis and Precision Indecision, it’s very easy to head for the Fountain of Excuses. That endless gold mine of built in reasons for never getting anything done.

Like it or not, this all comes right back to me, falling in my lap with a huge thud. Dang it! Not that I like to play the ‘blame game’ but with all my high hopes, how on earth could this be my fault? Yet it is my fault, nobody else I can lay the blame on. Even with all my great intentions, apparently I rarely seem to take action on any of my thoughts and as such they continue to remain in the dream stage. Who’d a thunk it? Me, of all people. I used to be the guy that would set a goal and follow through on it but obviously that has all changed. It’s not that I give up. It’s more that I guilt out.

That’s it, time’s up! I refuse to lose again in 2010! I have got to come up with a way to remember the misery of the last two, make that three years to insure that 2010 is not a repeat performance. How do I go about that? What is the best way to guard against continuing this downward spiral, allowing me to redirect my life in a more positive direction and moving forward on a more positive path towards achieving all of my goals?

Seems to me that the first thing I need to do….is to do the first thing. That should be simple enough, right? That appears to be where most of my troubles begin, with a failure to even take that first step. It’s not so much the fear of failure as I have pretty much always been able to do anything that I set my mind to. But it’s more the inability to even choose which step to take first, to make a decision on which direction to take and to stick with it long enough to know for sure if it’s the path I should be taking or not. Lately I seem to bail on my choices shortly after getting started out of pure guilt, a nagging fear that I am wasting too much time, yet I have wasted so much time already by not following through on anything. Which of course only leads to more guilt. What a vicious cycle.

This has got to change and so with that, I will somehow force myself to pick a direction and see it through so that I know for certain that I’ve explored it’s full potential. Right or wrong, at least I will come away with the satisfaction of knowing I gave it my best shot.

Of course along with that comes the fact that I will have to change my mantra. Something more along the lines of “Why put off until tomorrow, what I CAN do today?” Hmmm, I think I like that one better anyway. From here on out I will be relegating the throne to whomever may want to take over my kingdom. Needless to say, only true procrastinators need apply. I’m going to build a new Kingdom, one of my own choosing. Not one I inherited by default but one that I created, filled with all the hopes, dreams and accomplishments of which I know I’m truly capable of yet I have postponed for a lifetime.

So that also means it’s time for a new List. Not merely another Post It tacked on top of the millions of others but an entirely clean slate. This time I will also force myself to check items off at relatively the same pace at which I am adding other items to it. First thing on the list? Take Action! CHECK!!!