This is a question that I’ve been asking myself from about as far back as I can remember. Well, at least somewhere back around the time I first became interested in girls. Come to think of it, I’ve been interested in girls from as far back as I can remember. Sheesh, that IS a long time.
Hard to believe I’ve been struggling with this question for that long. How will I know when it’s right? How will I ever be able to tell when I’ve met THE ONE? This just has to be one of the most often asked questions, regardless of gender.
I’ll bet even the Cavemen were asking this very question as well. I kinda wonder if they just knew it by the feeling of their hair as they drug them into their caves. I’m not thinkin’ communication was a huge part of a relationship back then.
I can remember my Dad telling me, “Oh, you’ll know when it’s right.” What kind of a lame ass answer is that? That seems to be the default answer that every parent read in “Raising Your Children for DUMMIES.” Haven’t we all heard that standard answer about a million times?
Sure, as kids we fell for it about the first three or four hundred times but after that, we began to question the logic behind such a theory. At that point, we don’t even know how to drive a car yet, how in the hell are we supposed to know if she’s THE ONE? Our one and only, our destiny, our soulmate?
“Oh, don’t worry, it’s a feeling you’ll get inside. You’ll know when it’s right.” Huh? Inside where? Based on that theory, I’ve met the oneon more than one occasion. And let me tell you, it’s pretty damn obvious at this point that they weren’t the one. At least not the one I dream about anyway.
And besides, what exactly is this feeling that I’m supposed to be getting? Is it a peaceful, serene, quiet inside type of thing or is it a full on frustrating, raging sexual tension kinda thing? It’s comical how those that say that I’ll know it when I feel it sure as hell are lousy at describing the feeling themselves.
If they found it so easily, and knew they had found it then it seems to me that they should surely be able to describe it just as easily. But all too often that doesn’t seem to be the case. Nope, not at all. In fact, completely the opposite.
Most of those that you ask just seem to begin staring at the floor, shuffling their feet in hopes that it’s all a bad dream and the question will somehow just disappear, back to whence it came. But no such luck. This is a question that demands an answer. An answer to an as yet unsolved mystery.
So as the questionee begins to ponder all of the possible answers they could give in an effort to just get it over with and answer the question at hand, their mind goes into hyper~drive and the smoke starts pouring out of their ears.
Not only do they not have a legitimate answer, now they find themselves swimming in a sea of self doubt, wondering as to whether or not they themselves ended up with their one and only. After all the questions they asked themselves before they ever made their connection, did they make the right choice?
No doubt they were so sure at the time, not a question in their mind but for some strange reason things are no longer so cut ‘n dry for them. So they start mumbling some kinda mumbo jumbo, praying that their phone will magically ring, allowing them to get out of answering the original question.
Noticing the extreme anguish on their face, it’s probably best to just withdraw the question at this point. No need to cause a divorce over a stupid question, right? Well, it’s not that it’s a totally stupid question, just one that isn’t all that easily answered. No matter how easy you might think it is.
Perhaps that’s because it’s more of a feeling rather than a thought, a process of elimination. Assessing all of your feelings, both positive and negative as they pertain to the person you desire to be with. Then coming to a conclusion of sorts, which would make complete sense as I truly believe that the decision to spend the rest of your life with someone is a decision that will have to be made by you, not an outsider so to speak. But for some reason that sounds entirely too logical.
While their input and advice can be a welcome thing in this situation, ultimately it’s you that is going to have to decide what’s right for you. Oh, and I guess the person that you’re planning on spending the rest of eternity with should have a bit of a say in this decision as well. I mean, after all it’s only fair.
After all, this is a HUGE decision. For both of you. This pretty much spells the end of the road as it were, the end of the dating road anyway. Which as we all know can be a huge blessing. Whether we’d like to admit it or not, DATING SUCKS!
At least for most people it does. Yes, there are some serial daters out there that have made dating their lifes mission, seemingly never wanting it to end. Kinda like those kids that stay in college for 14 years and never graduate. The real world can be a scary thing, same as a real relationship. So much better to hide in the Land Of No Commitment, the home of zero expectations.
I would have to believe that almost everyone would rather be in a monogamous, committed relationship but find it so much easier to just skate through life, single and scammin’.
Like a rock skipping across a pond. Never really landing anywhere stable, just droppin’ by only long enough to get some traction for another leap towards who knows where, movin’ on to something seemingly bigger and better.
But as we all know, eventually that rock sinks into the muddy, murky depths below, never to be heard from again. And so it is with the dating world. All those years of going from pit stop to pit stop will surely leave you stuck in the pits.Doesn’t sound very appealing to me, that’s for sure.
But the other side to that dreadful race to Nowhereville is the other form of hell, known as settling. Yep, in essence giving up and doing whatever it takes, basically sacrificing your soul to avoid being alone. Surely that’s not the answer. Is it? Please oh please tell me it isn’t.
Damn, I sure hope not because to me, that’s just as miserable, if not more so than being alone. I’m sure we’ve all known plenty of people that although they aren’t physically alone, they are some of the loneliest people on earth. Married, kids, the whole nine yards, yet they are so unhappy and only wish they were single again.
How terrible would that be to know that you’re in a relationship with someone that you aren’t attracted to, have nothing in common with and have zero connection to. Besides a Marriage License of course. Yet, in essence you’re stuck with that person forever. I’ll take being single and alone over that prison any day of the week.
I truly don’t believe that life was meant to be spent alone. Sure, it might appear to be an easier way to live. In theory you can avoid all of the heartache, heart break and disappointment that some relationships tend to entail. But you’ll also miss out on all of the joy, happiness and bliss that comes from finding the one. From spending your life with your true love.
Although I have yet to meet my one and only, I know it’s only a matter of time before I do. And I also know that it will be worth all of the heartache I’ve had to endure along the way. It’s like they say, without the bad, how would we know when things are good? And I have no doubt that’s true.
Of course it totally sucks(ok, MAJORLY totally sucks!) when you’re going through all of those bad times and it’s even worse when some well meaning individual tells you that it just wasn’t meant to be, which at that point is pretty much the last thing you want to hear.
Eventually though, once you scrape up what’s left of your heart off the hot asphalt with a worn out spatula (how’s that for a visual?) and begin to trudge the long and lonely road ahead once again, you come to realize that it never would have worked for the long haul and to continue on would have just been futile.
And for me, it has to be able to stand the test of time. I want a long term, monogamous, commited relationship and I refuse to bring my heart out of hiding for anything less than that. Why risk all that heartbreak on a connection that doesn’t show all the signs of having that possibility? No thank you, not interested.
Problem is, in your mind you were thinking that maybe she could be the one but once you begin to be honest, with yourself and who you truly are on the inside, you have to admit that although you knew it wasn’t totally there for you, perhaps the compromises that you were willing to make just wouldn’t have been worth it in the long run.
I have no doubt that true love does exist and it will require some sacrifices and to some extent you also have to make compromises as well. But that isn’t to say that you must completely compromise who you are, on the inside, for another person.
Once you begin to change who you are as a person and what you truly want in a relationship for the sake of not being alone, that is a sure guarantee that you will never be happy in the end.
With over six billion people on the planet, you’d have to think that there’s someone, a soulmate, a one and only, out there for everyone. The problem is, how on earth do you find your soulmate? Chances are they’re not gonna pull up ridin’ on the Soulmate Train. And if and when you are lucky enough to find your one and only, how will you know for sure that this person is THE ONE? Oh, you’ll just know…..
Have you found yourself wondering when and IF you’ll ever find THE ONE and how you’ll know when you do? I’d appreciate hearing your feelings about your quest for your soulmate and if you enjoyed this Post, I’d appreciate it if you’d share it with your friends. Thank you
I’m not exactly sure what’s goin’ on here. I mean, aren’t these iPhones supposed to have a mind of their own, to be the best thing since sliced bread? Jeez, I can’t even believe I just said that. Sounds like something my Dads Dad would have said. But you get the point.
When I got my iPhone, I was under the impression that they were the most incredible invention ever. They could do just about everything you ever wanted (with the correct Application downloaded, of course) except wash dishes or do laundry.
Seemed as if everywhere you turned, somebody was touting all of the wonderful things that could be accomplished and all of them in the blink of an eye. Clever marketing? I’d hate to think I fell for that stuff but it’s a distinct possibility. Typically I’m smarter than that but maybe they slipped one in under the radar on me.
Don’t get me wrong here. For the most part, I love my iPhone. From the sleek styling to the ultra smooth Touch Screen, this baby has winner written all over it. And I’m by no means a Tech Geek but it would be hard not to want one of these phones, based on looks alone.
In fact, if the Porsche Design Group ever ends up building a Concept Phone, I would think there’s a pretty good chance it’s gonna look very similar to Apples Smooth Talker.
Speaking of Techie, I won’t even begin to claim that I have 1/1000th of an idea of all the things this baby will do. I’ve never even been to the “App Store”, don’t know the address or the phone number. I’m not sure if they have one at the Mall or not but I have enough trouble workin’ the buttons it came with, why the hell would I want to add more gizmos?
I previously had a Nokia that worked really well. Bluetooth capable, nice and compact, never a dropped call, in essence the perfect phone. Then why on earth did I get rid of it you might be asking? Wasn’t cool enough? Behind the times? Nope, none of those.
I never got my iPhone to keep up with the Jones’. I’m not one to care about that sort of thing, which might sound a bit strange at this point because the main reason I bought it was because it was compatible with the‘Hands Free’ Bluetooth System in the car I had at the time.
My BMW had warnings everywhere, saying that pairing up an unauthorized cell phone to their system could possibly damage the entire electrical system in the car, causing major damage. And knowing that everything in that car was computer controlled, I couldn’t take a chance on hurting my baby. And so I got the iPhone, which was ok’d on their list. In white of course. Hey, I AM color conscious.
As I sunk down in that sweet leather, watchin’ the Nav screen with all of the codes poppin’ up, enter this, press that, I just knew I was gonna be in cell phone heaven. And I wasn’t dissapointed, not in the least. That phone never worked better than when it was hooked up to the BMW. It was like drivin’ around in a giant antennae, reception central.
It was even voice activated. All I had to do was speak the words “Call so and so” and the next thing you know, I could hear a phone ringing somewhere off in space. It wasn’t actually in space, it was coming from my stereo speakers but it did seem like space. Just a touch of a button on the steering wheel and instant disconnect. I must say, it had to be one of the sweetest inventions ever.
I’m not a huge fan of those Star Trek earpieces and I’m semi ok with the headphones but this eliminated the entire nightmare. No worries about Cops giving me tickets, always able to keep both my hands on the wheel. It was a dream come true.
But unfortunately, I no longer have my Dream Car and I’m beginning to wonder if my iPhone knows that as well. They were a pair, those two, they went everywhere together. They were inseparable and I wonder if my phone is really starting to miss her partner. Like they say, one is such a lonely number and I think it’s taking a toll on my “iBaby”.
These tantrums seem to come much more often these days and no doubt with much more severity. I’ll be carrying on a conversation, not really moving at all and next thing you know, I’m talkin’ to air. Yep, another dropped call.
A quick redial leads me to ask “Are you driving?” to which whomever it is that I was speaking with responds, “Nope, didn’t move an inch.” Hmmmm, wonder what happened?
“I’ve got five bars(thanks to my latest update. Only used to get three bars),it can’t be from my side.” Only to hear on the other end “Me too, I’ve got five bars so it’s gotta be your phone!”
OH no you DIT~N’T, don’t you go dissin’ my iBaby!! And then IT’S ON! All the accusations start flyin’, the My Droid is better than your iPhoneBS. Next thing you know, you’re havin’ a knock down dragout over a stupid dropped call. Jeez, I’m feelin’ the stress from here and I’m not even on the phone.
What’s even weirder than that is this seems to happen more often when it’s iPhone to iPhone. Call me crazy (I know, what’s new) but I’m beginning to wonder if our old friend Steve Jobs installed some kinda software that links all these iBots together in some way so that they know they’re talkin’ to one of their own and they play these damn games, just to piss us off.
I’m sure you’ve heard how these phones are watching us, keeping track of everything we do and say. So then why not have the phones keep track of each other? And to take it a step further, what if all the Aspirin Companies are in on it as well?
I mean, just think of how much Bayer Aspirin they’re selling to help us get rid of all of these stress headaches that are caused by all of these friggin’ dropped calls. It’s a conspiracy I tell you. It’s Big Brother and he’s attacking us through our phones.
Kinda makes you miss the days of the old rotary dial phones. Back when it would take you so long just to dial the number that you could come up with tons of stuff to talk about while you were waiting for the call to go through. S..E..V..E..N..dut..dut..dut..dut..dut..dut..dut..F..I..V..E..dut..dut..dut..dut..dut..
And hopefully you didn’t have to dial a zero somewhere in there, got a bit sidetracked and didn’t get your finger all the way around. That was major trouble for sure. You totally had to start all over again.
At that point you really had to think twice about even calling that person. Did you REALLY wanna talk to them THAT BAD? Bad enough to risk screwin’ up another dial job?
Those were the days that people knew how important they were to you. If you actually took the time to call somebody, you must have really wanted to talk to them. Jeez, it was nice bein’ wanted but come to think of it, I didn’t really get that many calls. Hmmmmmm…..
Which brings me back to my iPhone. Does it drop all these calls just to piss me off or does IT just want to be wanted? Can’t it feel me massaging it when I rub it’s beautiful screen? Is it lacking attention, feelin’ like I just take it for granted? I sure hope not, that would be terrible.
So perhaps it really does have A.D.D.? Is it possible for a phone to have Attention Deficit Disorder? I know it sounds weird but in this day and age, why not? I mean, when I was growing up, all us kids acted out and did things we weren’t supposed to. Seems like we were always doin’ something wrong just to get attention. Attention of ANY kind.
But back then instead of giving us pills to put us in Numbville, we’d get our butts spanked, have to pull tons of weeds in the yard and be grounded all summer. Ah, those were the days.
The days of discipline, when you learned the difference between right and wrong, by the seat of your pants. Or sometimes on the back of your thighs, perhaps your lower back, all depends on where the belt landed.
Never thought I’d look back on discipline as a good thing but I have to think that like kids, our phones need to know when they are actin’ up and doin’ wrong. But how exactly do you go about teaching your phone the difference between right and wrong?
Do you stop using it for awhile? Who is that really punishing, you or the phone? Perhaps throw it on the ground, breaking the screen? Again, who really loses here? Sure, the phone doesn’t have to work so hard anymore but your wallet is sure gonna get a workout. Maybe just take the whole damn thing apart and never use it again? I really don’t know the answer.
I guess we just have to accept the fact that technology still has it’s flaws and that nothing is perfect, especially when any part of it is man made. But between you and me, I still think my iPhone just ain’t that smart!
If you can relate to your iPhone or any cell phone for that matter, not living up to the hype, I’d enjoy hearing about it and if you know of anyone else than can relate to this post, I’d appreciate your sharing it. Thank you.
WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE? I just can’t figure this out! Seems like every time I turn on the TV, another Bank has been robbed. Or at least another attempted robbery. Seems like most of them don’t get away with it and those that do make it out the door end up with a bag full of blue dye.
Now, I realize that times are tough and people have to do what they have to do to survive. Please don’t take this the wrong way, I’m in NO WAY condoning ANY type of illegal activity. Not whatsoever. In fact, I couldn’t be more against it.
I’m old school in my thinking and I believe we all have to work for what we get in life. And the harder we work, the more money we make. Or at least that’s how it should be anyway.
Our Country was founded on this principal and I believe that’s what has helped to create the Superpower that we are today. Well, that we were at one time. Not too sure where we stand in the global scheme of things these days but I’m sure you understand what I’m attempting to say.
But hard work seems to have been replaced by taking the easy way out. How can I get the most for doing the least. The world owes me, now gimme mine! And no doubt that type of mentality is going to be our demise.
Which brings me back to all these Bank robberies. There probably aren’t as many attempts as it appears, due to the vast amount of Banks that are out there in relation to the amount of attempts, yet they always seem to make headlines. Whether it be in print or online, there’s no shortage of bad guys lookin’ for a free ride.
This got me to thinkin’. I know, uh oh, there he goes thinkin’ again. This COULD be dangerous! No really, this is starting to bug me. Recession or no recession, there’s just no excuse for stupidity. If you’re going to do anything in life, do it right the FIRST time.
I don’t know about you but I can’t EVER recall walking in to a Bank, completely avoiding the mini~maze that guides you to the Teller windows (yeah, the one with the huge sign that says ENTER HERE!), proceeding to walk straight up to one of the Tellers that is just waiting for you with open arms and saying “Gimme ALL Your Money, NOW!”
First off, seems to me like just as soon as you walk in the Branch, someone, whether it’s a Guard or somebody in New Accounts will make eye contact and smile. I always like to smile back, it makes for a better day.
Next obstacle is the Maze, a series of twists and turns, designed to create some semblance of uniformity and to guide you to where you REALLY wanna go. Which of course is the Teller window.
Not that it hasn’t happened but it’s very rare, like one out of every forty times, that this maze is empty. As I mentioned, extremely rare. Yet even on those special occasions, I STILL do as the sign tells me and I begin my journey at the entrance to the maze.
Don’t get me started on those rule breakers that, once they’ve taken care of their banking, INSIST on walking backwards through the maze. What are they thinking, don’t they KNOW they are breaking the rules? Apparently not or they wouldn’t do it in the first place, right? Actually I’m not too sure but it definitely makes no sense to me. Perhaps they like to live life on the edge.
So chances are, once you get to the line up, there will be at the very least one or two people in front of you. More than likely there will be many more than that but let’s just assume that you won’t be the only person waiting for a Teller.
Some people filling out Deposit slips, others scratching out their info on a Withdrawl slip, HOPING that they will have sufficient funds to complete the transaction. Some even on their Cell Phones, trying to look important, all in an effort to make the Tellers hurry up. Good luck with THAT one.
Of those making withdrawls, most of these people need a different amount of money than what the ATM has to offer. And if you’re at all like me, you’ve had those times where you needed cash but your account balance showed less than $20. Yep, I said it. LESS than the $20 minimum and NO, I’m not proud of that statement.
Unfortunately that’s when you HAVE to take the walk of shame, going inside the Branch, coming face to face with a Teller and asking for your $18.69. Out of nowhere it suddenly dawns on you that you need a balance of at least $10 just to keep your account open. Then it’s decision time.
With about forty eyes staring at you from the lineup in the maze, burning holes in the back of your head, PRESSURING you to HURRY UP and make up your mind so they can complete their transactions and get back to their day, you HAVE to make a split second decision. On the fly no less because you surely weren’t prepared to make such a life altering decision when you walked in the door.
Hmmm, should I take out $8.69 and keep my account open or just say screw it, take the entire $18.69 out and close it down? But if you close your account, won’t that mean you’ll have to fill out a bunch of extra paperwork? Oh, the anxiety.
That in itself could take even longer than YOU planned. But what the hell is $8 gonna buy you? One trip to the Jack in the Box Dollar Menu and that pretty much blows you’re wad. YIKES, What SHOULD I Do? Just thinkin’ about this is stressing me out, I gotta move on.
OK, so you’re finally at the front of the line. So close you can almost read the names on the little signs next to each Teller window. Out of the thirty eight teller windows available, only three are open. Why is that?
Where the hell is Denise, Becky, Sherrie, Lisa, Tanya, Robin, Shaniqua, Melissa, Terri, Carla, Justine, Ricki, Charlene, Dustin, Christy, Yolanda, Shana, Missy, Barbara, Deborah, Mary, Joshua, Katherine, Brandi and all the other missing peeps. Why aren’t they at work? Don’t they realize I’m in a hurry? I’ve got places to go, things to do, people to meet! I’ve got to get on with my day. Jeez, if you’re not gonna show up for work at least have the courtesy to take your sign down the night before. It just looks tacky, you and your time off, rubbin’ it in our faces. Why must you mock us?
That’s about the time that I see IT! The giant HD Big Screen TV monitor, seemingly staring at me. Actually, it’s difficult to avoid looking at it since it’s right in front of you, staring back at you.
Hmmm, that guy looks kinda familiar. I’m not the least bit into guys but he’s kinda handsome, a bit rugged lookin’. Perhaps he’s a GQ Model? He looks a bit like me but 20lbs. heavier. Wait a minute, that IS me! That’s ME staring at me! But from a completely different angle. How can that be?
Then it dawns on me that I’m being filmed by some kinda Nanny Cam, probably in the ceiling or something. That answers the question about the weird angle. Jeez, I feel like I’m at the local Indian Casino, about to lose my last dollar on some rigged game of Blackjack.
Wow, until now I never thought about the similarities between the two establishments, the Bank and the Casino. Taking out my last dollar, about to throw it away. ON CAMERA! Not good.
And I sure hope I wasn’t cussing out loud about all the truant employees, they’d have it on file. I’d sure hate to have them treat me differently after viewing the footage, that would truly be a shame.
“Ummm, I Can Help You Over Here!” A bit startled, I’m faintly aware of a voice coming from somewhere far off in the distance. I look around and then I see IT. Scanning the entire counter, spanning just about the same distance as the front straightaway at the Indy 500, down near the end I can barely make out a slight movement above the counter top. Is that a Hummingbird? Nope, it’s the Tellers hand waving to me, signaling me to head in her direction.
Can’t really see any more than her hand, especially from this distance. The Teller wall is kinda tall so it makes it difficult to actually see anybody until you’re directly in line with the window. So I begin the long walk, kinda like in the movie Nine Mile and I start to hear the crowd in the maze chanting Dead Man Walkin’ and… ooops, gettin’ a bit side tracked.
Finally, face to face with the Teller. Such a beautiful smile, perfect for a Teller. Looking at her sign, I break the ice with a “Hi Brittney, how are you today?” Of course, as I’m saying this I’m just hoping that she’s working at her own station and not somebody elses. That would really be embarassing if I called her by the wrong name.
“Please swipe your card.” Well, I guess that’s about it for the idle chit chat. She’s got a job to do and she wants to get it done. No BS’n around today. Which is more than fine with me. After being in line for what seems like forever, I’m about ready to get this whole thing over with because by now it’s just about lunch time and there’s bound to be a huge lineup in the Drive Thru at Jack in the Box!
With the transaction completed, I begin heading for the front door. Why is it that they have everything so blocked off that you’re forced to walk by all of the angry people still waiting in the maze, dying to get to the cheese? Cruel I tell ya’, just down right cruel.
Getting back in my car, I can’t help but reflect a bit on this mornings experience. This whole banking thing seems rather ridiculous at this point. Isn’t it MY money? Last time I checked it was anyway. If so, then why the hell is it so hard to get it back in my pocket? I could go on and on about this but I won’t. That’s an entirely different story, one I’ll save for later.
Finally, made it to Jack in the Box. Jeez, I’m starving, can’t wait to get me some food. What the heck is this, another lineup? You gotta be kidding me! It’s not even lunch time yet. Good thing I got out of the Bank so quickly, any later and this line could have really been bad.
As I stared at the “If you can read this, YOU’RE TOO CLOSE!” bumper sticker on the minivan in front of me, I began to think about all the people waiting in the Drive Thru in front of me. Then I noticed the Mi Familia stickers on the back window. You know which ones I’m talking about, the little cut outs that show the entire family, right down to the dog.
Yikes, there’s Papi, Mami and about fourteen kids. Oh, and their dog Pepe’. I sure hope they aren’t ordering for the entire family AND the dog, that could take forever. Oh well, I guess I should be grateful that I made it this far. I mean, there could have been some friggin’ idiot tryin’ to rob the bank at the same time I was in there so in essence, I’m pretty lucky.
Which got me to thinkin’ about the Bank again. And the fools that try to pull off these heists. I guess what intrigues me the most is how on earth are these so called Bank Robbers getting through the maze and up to the Teller windows without being spotted? I mean c’mon, they don’t seem to posess a whole lot of creativity, not to mention zero individuality.
It’s as if they all bought BANK ROBBERY FOR DUMMIES, quickly glanced over Chapter One on *How to dress properly for the occasion*, then got so excited that they didn’t read any further before they ran to the Bank to test out all of their newly discovered knowledge. All of them seem to exude such a high degree of stupidity, it amazes me that so many of them make it as far along in the process as they do.
It’s hard enough for us regular folks to get to the Teller window, how in the heck are THEY making it with such apparent ease? Especially when they are wearing some of the most ridiculous disguises ever conceived.
Just a quick heads up to all the Bank Managers and Tellers out there. When you see a guy (or gal) walk in the front door wearing a Baseball Hat and Sunglasses, there’s a pretty good chance that they’re up to no good and you might want to think about keeping an eye on ‘em. Perhaps even put your hand on the secret button, just in case. I don’t know, it’s just a thought.
And is it just me or is this THE most popular Bank Robber outfit out there? Running a close second has to be the Hoodie with the bandana around the neck. After that, you’re pretty much in the Ex Presidents Mask Category and at that point, it’s pretty obvious that you’re not there to make a Deposit. No doubt it’s going to be an Illegal Withdrawl and things are gonna get ugly real quick!
A bit startled, I hear “My name is Felicia, would you like to try our new Jackalicious Jackburger Combo Meal Supremo for only $14.99?” blurbling through the loud speaker. My first thought is jeez, for that price it better come with a Lobster Tail. And melted butter.
Somewhat stunned, I mutter “Uh, no thank you, I can’t really afford that. Can I just get two Chicken Sandwiches, small Fries and a small Diet Coke?” To which she replies, “OK, so that’s two Chicken Neckwiches, Le Mini Fries and a Dixie Cup Size Diet Coke? That’ll be $17.88 at the first window. Please pull forward!”
Dang, that seems expensive! Maybe I SHOULD have gotten the Jackalicious Jackburger Combo after all. Too late now, I’ve already ordered and I sure as heck ain’t gonna try and back up. Too many people in line behind me. Man, if these prices keep goin’ up, I’m gonna have to rob a Bank!
If you can relate to all of the random craziness at the Banks, I’d appreciate hearing your perspective on things and if you know of anyone else that might enjoy reading this post, please feel free to share it with them. Thank you.
WHY? WHY? WHY? Why do people INSIST on trying to park as close to the front entrance of the Store as possible? I just don’t get it. What is the true benefit of this endeavor? In fact, is there really any form of a benefit whatsoever?
I’m sure you’ve seen them before, those people that do lap after lap in front of the Store, in search of an opening to squeeze their Prius into. Just one space closer and that could mean 10 less footsteps they’ll have to take to reach the promised land.
It’s the funniest thing because as you watch them continue on their ridiculous Parade around the lot, like clockwork, time and time again a car leaves and a space opens up just behind where they are now.
You can see their eyes hit the rear view mirror as they spot the movement and then it’s instant decisiontime. If they immediately throw it in reverse, it’s possible that they might be able to grab that spot. Only one problem, the car that just left that spot is right on their ass and so they can’t back up. FRACK!
Option two is to haul ass around the lot and come back in from the same direction they just came from. The wheels begin turning inside their head and as the smoke begins to flow from their ears, you can see it in their face that the decision is excruciatingly brutal for them. Such a dilemma.
Next thing you know, they FLOOR IT in an attempt to get around this section of parked cars, so they can get back to heading in their original direction. SCREEEEECH, the smoke starts billowing from the front tires of their beat up old minivan and they’re off!
If you listen closely, you can hear Mom screamin’ “Hang on kids, Momma’s found us a parkin’ place!” So with kids and car seats flyin’ around, they’re off to their new parking place. Woo Hoo, can’t wait to get there.
About three quarters of the way there, she spots somethin’ up ahead. And it doesn’t look good. Sure as s#!t! Somebody else is just pulling into that coveted spot that she wanted so dearly. HER SPOT!
Are you flippin’ kidding me?, she yells to her 9, 8, 8, 6, 4, 3 and 1 year olds, as well as her 8 month old baby (all from differentDaddys of course) as they gradually get up off the floor after slamming into the backs of the seats as a result of her slamming on her brakes so damn hard. Seemingly in unison, all the kids (at least the ones that can speak) ask, “Mommy, what’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing kids, it’s just that some idiot stole Mommys parking place and now we’re gonna have to find a new one, that’s all. But we’ll find one a lot better than that one anyway. It will be a whole lot closer to the Store.”
As she slowly drives by her arch enemy, she notices something that seems oddly familiar about the car. Yes, something seems very familiar about it but she just can’t seem to place it. Then it finally dawns on her, it was another one of the Parking Lot Vultures and this is the one that had been following her around in circles for 45 minutes.
She can’t help but be grateful that the spot went to a kindred spirit, someone of the same ilk, another of the relentless Close Parkers. So rather than give the driver the one fingered salute as she had originally intended, she gave a quick Rose Parade wave and a hint of a smile…. and she was off again, on her search for another upfronter, one of the ultra rare up close and personal parking spaces.
Even as upset as she was, she still had to give props to one of her kind, one that never gave up on their pursuit of the closest space. After all, she had no idea how long they themselves had been searching for their spot but it could have been much longer than she had been conducting her own surveillance so again, like it or not she had to be slightly happy for them.
Suddenly, snapping out of her self induced trance, she spotted something very familiar ahead. Something very bright and shiny, sure to attract the attention of any female. The flickering of lights. But these weren’t just any lights. No sirree Billy Bob, these were the lights she’d spent all morning searching for.
Unable to resist their calling, she had no other option but to drive in that direction, the direction of the lights. She knew she was goin’ the right way as they were getting brighter and brighter by the second, she knew she was almost there!
Suddenly, everything changed to bright red. That was her signal, everything she had been waiting for. She knew that when the lights changed from a bright white to a glowing red, that was her calling. She knew she had to get there…. and get there NOW!
Sitting there, she just knew her timing was perfect. Finally all of her effort was gonna pay off. This was her spot and she was gonna grab it, no matter what. After all, she followed all of the Close Parker rules, basically stating that you drive around in circles until either you crash into a parked car from being so dizzy or else a spot finally opens up and you can somehow manage to squeeze in and park. Sounds simple enough, that’s for sure.
Sitting there for quite some time, she began to ask herself what in the hell could be taking this idiot so long to get moving? She waited for the lights, the back~up lights signaling that the car was leaving. Then the brake lights came on, signaling the end of the backing out process and once the red lights go out, that will signal the beginning of forward movement, meaning she can FINALLY get in her spot.
Phew, that took forever but it was sooooo worth it. I’m gonna be right up front. Mission accomplished. Hey, wait a minute! As the car that just pulled out began to drive away, the spot that it just vacated was mysteriously missing. How can that be? I KNOW it just pulled out of there somewhere, yet there isn’t an open space anywhere to be found.
Out of the corner of her eye, she notices a sparkle of sorts. Again, women just don’t miss sparkly things. As it turns out, it’s a bit of glare coming off of the window of a car door that’s just beginning to open. Then for some reason it starts a kind of blinking effect, kind of an on and off shimmering.
Turns out the flickering is being caused by the door banging relentlessly off the door of the car parked next to it! If her window wasn’t rolled up, no doubt she would have heard all of this noise earlier but now that she knows it’s another like minded Close Parker that stole her parking place, she is left with no other choice but to drive on, knowing that she was defeated by a worthy foe.
Perhaps it’s time for a new approach. Well, not necessarily new but not often attempted in the world of Close Parkers. Yes, it’s thought of more as a kind of default method rather than the chosen method. It’s known in certain circles as the sit there in one place in the middle of the aisle and friggin’ wait method.
I’m sure you’ve seen this type of Close Parker before. Yep, they’re the ones that seemingly sit right in the middle of the road, blocking everyone, no way to get by them on either side, waiting for a parking space that doesn’t exist. Yet.
And the worst part about these idiots is that they’ll continue to sit there, even though they know damn well you’re stuck behind them, unable to go anywhere, pinned in by some other Close Parker that was following them around in the circle of hell.
I guess they figure that at some point one of these spots just HAS to open up and with any luck, they’ll be close enough to grab it. The riskier of the bunch will sometimes roll down their window, yelling out to random shoppers walking by, “Hey, ya leavin’?” in an attempt to head ‘em off at the pass.
I’m sure you’ve seen this scenario play out before as well. The shopper has just battled the crowds inside, barely surviving the endless line~up at the Checkout counter, just wanting to make it out to their car in one piece, unload their packages into their trunk and enjoy a nice, peaceful drive home. Sorry, not gonna happen!
Oh no, now they have some psycho in a minivan right on their heels (as if another car is going to drive in between them and steal their spot), stalking them all the way to their car. Once they arrive at their trunk, all the sighs start, the revving of the engine, all of the under the breath comments. “C’mon already….. Jeez, I haven’t got all day here…. Hey, other people need to buy some stuff here too….”
You’re just prayin’ it doesn’t turn into a huge episode of Parking Lot Rage because that’s just gonna screw up the parking lot that much more. Then it’s gonna get even uglier than it is already. But you can tell by most of the cars that the Close Parkers are driving that they pretty much couldn’t care less if their car sustains any more damage. Who knows, it might actually straighten out a previously dented area.
And so the victim finally finishes filling their trunk, gets in their car and hurriedly gets the hell outta there, allowing the minivan to pry its way in to the spot. Back and forth…. back and forth… time and again, it almost happens, she’s almost able to squeeze in and then about the nineteenth try, Voila! Like an old used can opener with cat food still stuck on it, it wasn’t pretty but she got the job done.
Only one problem though. She’s parked so close on one side that she can’t even get her door open! Of course, she tries it anyway, knowing full well that’s it’s NOT gonna happen but after slamming her door into the side of the car she’s squeezed in next to about 10 times, she’s forced to give up. After all, she’s wasting precious shopping time, not to mention the fact that the kids are starting to scream even louder than before.
So she has everybody pile out the passenger side and begins to start her wonderful day of shopping. Sure, it was a struggle getting a parking space this close but it was oh so worth it. Yeah, it took about 45 minutes to find the one but again, she’s so close that it’s almost like she’s a VIP or somethin’. Doesn’t get any better than this.
Finally, after getting the super duper quadruple stroller all set up, they begin their journey to the entrance of the store. Oh, it’s not very far away but when you’re draggin’ eight illegitimate kids with you, it’s a struggle none the less.
Then it happens! About ten spaces closer to the front than she was able to get, a space is opening up. Yep, the white lights are comin’ on…. uh oh, they JUST changed to red! We KNOW what that means, OPEN SPOT callin’ her name!
Suddenly her head starts spinnin’, should she run back and get the minivan? Look how much closer she could be. So much less walking than she has to do now. “Oh No, what should I do???” she mutters to herself.
Then that last little bit of remaining common sense she has kicks in and she realizes that that would mean having to reload all the kids in the van, haul ass around to the new space and all in hopes that nobody else has grabbed it by that point. So after some major deliberation, she thinks better of just leaving well enough alone and being happy with the spot she has.
Continuing on towards the entrance, almost inside but yet she just can’t help herself. She can’t resist taking just one more peek at the parking space that almost was. And sure enough, it’s still empty!
Thinking to herself how hard she had worked to get her space, how could that one space still be open so long? I’d have to think that this is some kinda payback from above. Thank you Karma.
Payback for all the nightmares her and her kind have caused to all of the Normal Parkers all over the world. People who are happy just to find a place that they’re comfortable with, ANYWHERE in the lot.
I myself much prefer to go in the opposite direction of these Close Parkers. I’m more of an Other End Of The Lot Parker. Yep, I’m one of those guys you see, parked all the way in the far corner, preferably with a curb on one side, in hopes of avoiding all of these Close Parkers and their guaranteed door dings.
I don’t want to be anywhere near these people that feel they need to squeeze in at all costs. No thank you. Now, I’m NOT one of those guys that parks on the line, taking up two spaces. Oh no, that’s just askin’ for some jealous fool to come by and key your car, just because it’s nicer than his Prius.
Nope, not me. I’m just the kinda guy that’s happy to find a drama free parking space with a bit of built in exercise. I don’t mind walkin’ a little extra, not at all. In fact, last I heard, exercise was good for you.
So to all of you Close Parkers out there, go ahead and do all of your stress filled laps, lap after never ending lap. I’ve got some shopping to do and the longer you’re out in the parking lot, strugglin’ for a spot, the less crowded it is for me in the Checkout line.
Have you ever thought about what type of Parking Lot Parker you are? I’d enjoy hearing about where you prefer to park and your reasons for parking there and if you enjoyed this Post, I’d appreciate you sharing it with your friends. Thank you.
Further back than I can even remember, I’ve held onto a dream. The dream of someday owning a 911 Porsche. The appeal has always been there for me, the mystique undeniable.
Even before my first real job, which as it turned out was as an Apprentice Volkswagen Mechanic when I was 15, I have dreamt of owning a 911 Porsche. And I’m sure it goes without saying that if you like the original air cooled Volkswagen Beetles, then a 911 Porsche is without a doubt the end of your rainbow.
Even before I had a Drivers License, I knew I wanted a 911 Porsche. This fact was only reinforced after my first ride in one. As primitive as they were back then compared to todays Models, they were amazingly quick and handled great. Their following was built on their Racing Heritage and attention to detail, both are still very true today. In fact, even more so.
But of course, they were just so far out of reach cost wise that all one could do back then… is dream. And boy oh boy, dream we did! All of my friends were into VW’s. We all belonged to VW Clubs, attended all of the various VW Events throughout Southern California. Basically we were addicted, it was our life. The above picture of me was taken sometime back in the early 80′s. I was driving one of the many VW’s I owned through the years, my 1958 Volkswagen Cabriolet. At that time, I was extremely fond of that car. Without a doubt it was one of my favorites. But like everyone else, no matter how much customization we did, it still would never be a real 911 Porsche.
And as such, all we could do was to continue to take what was left of our meager paychecks and sink every last nickle we had into custom wheels, tires, suspension, engines, interiors, paint jobs, etc., etc. in hopes of someday walking out to our driveway and having our VW pumpkins mysteriously turn into real 911 Porsches overnight. Of course, it never happened. Only the Big Time guys with the big time paychecks had the money to do all of the trick stuff that we dreamed of. And I’m sure that lots of them were chasin‘ the same thing, a REAL 911 Porsche.
This VW Cabriolet (above & below) is a perfect example of “Porsche~izing” a Volkswagen Beetle. All in an effort to live an, at that time, mostly unattainable dream. Known at the time as the “California Look”, the style has taken on quite a few changes since then. But the basic idea behind this customization still remains the same. To morph a Volkswagen Beetle into a 911 Porsche.
And that’s not to say that more money wasn’t invested into this car than would have ever been required to purchase a 911 Porsche but most of these truly beautiful custom VW’s took years to reach the point they did and that was much different than just going down to the Porsche Dealership and plunking down a big chunk of money at one time. Most of these guys did the same thing we did, spent endless hours and paycheck after paycheck, working on a dream in the obscurity of their garages.
Now, the crazy thing here is that this particular 1952 Volkswagen Cabriolet, while undoubtedly one of the rarest VW’s out there and obviously restored with the assistance of a wide open checkbook containing an endless balance, was(is?) For Sale at one point and the asking price, while it might be comparable to the actual cost of purchasing a 1952 VW, then paying someone to restore it, locating all of the incredibly rare parts and accessories that adorn the car, etc., etc., one would really have to LOVE VW’s as the $120K (yes, you read that right, $120,000.00) Price Tag makes a real 911 Porsche look pretty darn inviting. As if it wasn’t already but this would bring the decision front and center in anybodys mind.
For that price you can pick up a super nice Porsche GT3 that’s a year or two old with maybe 5K miles on it. Sure, it won’t be brand new and it might have a small blemish here or there but when you have a Volkswagen that’s worth $120K, chances are you’re not going to want to drive it anyway for fear of putting a scratch on it. Basically it’s just a “Trailer Queen”, something you just sit and stare at. Which is fine, if you have that kind of money and just want something to look at, more power to you. But for me, I’d rather have a car that I can drive and experience as it were. But to each his own. Everyone has their own Dream. Mine has always been to own a super sweet 911 Porsche. Not sure if I mentioned that or not.
Fast forward a couple few years. Hmmmmm, there seems to be a slight problem here. I’m beginning to notice a pattern of sorts. The dream I’ve held for most of my life has yet to manifest. Which of course, is not a good thing. Not a good thing at all. So that basically leaves me with two options. I can either continue on with my life as usual, leaving my dream to fester somewhere way in the back of my mind. Back in the maybe someday it will happen zone, where it’s been for quite some time.
After all, it hasn’t really bothered anybody by sitting back there collecting dust. Nobody, that is, besides me, the dream holder! And to be honest, it’s really been buggin’ the heck out of me for quite some time now. Like to the point that I either have to just completely forget about it(I know what you’re sayin’, good luck with that one) or else I have to actually DO SOMETHING about it! One way or the other, for better or worse, I’ve got to bring it to a conclusion of some sort. Either move forward with it or erase it from my List Of Dreams completely.
Now, as I’m sure you’re well aware, letting go of a dream is no easy feat. In fact, nearly impossible. Especially when you’ve lived it almost your entire life. How do you go about forgetting something that has been there since childhood? And that’s when it dawned on me that there really is no way to just let it go, at least not without giving a serious effort anyway. If after that, things for some strange reason don’t go as planned and my dream doesn’t come true, then I will still be able to hold my head high in defeat, knowing that I truly gave it my all. But to merely walk away without trying, that’s just not gonna happen. That’s just not how I’m wired.
And therefore I’m left with no other option than to persevere, to push forward towards manifesting my dreams. To finally be able to say that I have achieved the dream of a lifetime, the dream of MY lifetime, means more to me than words can even begin to express. And to be able to demonstrate to others as well that if you truly do your best and give it everything you’ve got, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE in this world. ANYTHING!
If you can relate to having a life long dream, one that you’ve never fully explored, let alone done everything possible to make it come true, I’d enjoy hearing about it in the Comments below and if you know of anyone else that might be able to relate to this Post, please feel free to share it with them. Thank you.
